Friday, March 18, 2011

Our Dear Leader Speaks

JLH, our German translator and intrepid jornolist, just sent us this transcript of our Dear Leader's latest press conference.

All I can say is, “Watch out, Iowahawk!”

My fellow… Americans,

I speak to you today with a heavy heart and a light mind, to bring you up to date on the problems of the day facing my administration. These burdens, left by the former resident of the Oval Office, affect me deeply.

There is a tragedy in Japan. That was not my fault.

There is a developing disaster in Libya. Everyone knows that it is not nice to kill your own citizens (without good reason). Therefore, I have ordered the TSA to look into a no-fly zone there. That proud motto, “If anybody can keep people on the ground, it’s the TSA” has reflected this agency's impressive record.

I hear that Iran has ships in the Mediterranean Sea. I am not concerned. We have ships in the Straits of Hormuz. Fair is fair. They are also having trouble with street demonstrations. I have asked Andy Stern to consult with them on the problem. It may be simply a question of fringe benefits - like democracy in, say, Wisconsin.

I have spoken to Hamas about their continued rocket attacks on Israel.

They are investigating the possibility of spontaneous combustion of the rocket fuel. I have been assured the unfortunate malfunction is due to an inferior design by a Jewish company that had the lowest bid for the rockets.

I have also been assured by the British government that the reason I was not invited to the upcoming royal wedding was only because I am not royalty. I have asked them where they got that idea.

I am urgently requesting that the Republican majority in the House of Representatives fast-track my health and stimulus initiatives. It would be disastrous if union members should lose access to the best golf courses just for lack of public funds. Please, stop punishing the middle class!

I am late for my tea tee time. Any questions will be answered by my teleprompter.


Godffrey said...

I see the Obama-is-an-America-hating-terrorist-coddler meme has yet to die despite an escalation of the war in Afghanistan, expanded drone bombing in Pakistan and Yemen, and continued unquestioning support for Israel. But hey, why let reality ruin a good story? It certainly beats realizing that We The People and our "representatives" have no control over foreign policy

Dymphna said...

Ah, things sure do look different in Obamaland than they do down here.

For a more enlightened view, here's the man himself, speaking to the choir:
Things Are Fine and Dandy on Planet Obama Title

“We have made extraordinary progress over these last two years,” Obama incredulously told the gathering. “When you look back at the track record of work that we’ve done over the last two years, I think it’s fair to say the promise we made to the American people has been kept; that we have delivered change that we can believe in,” said the president...

Remember the old (and execrabble) song, "Feelings"?

I can hear O'Bama crooning his own version now:

Delusions, nothing more than delusions,
trying to forget my delusions of change.
Teardrops rolling down on my face,
trying to forget my delusions of change...

Anonymous said...

Per Godffrey: "...and continued unquestioning support for Israel."

Wow! Good one! Someone be sure to tell the Israelis. They'd sure like to know, since neither the Israelis nor anyone else can tell so far....

On the other hand, RECENTLY, our caliph-in-chief Obama has ensured that 1) our sworn enemies the Palestinians received American military training (yes, the same Palestinians who just slaughtered an Israeli family including three young children who were sleeping in their own home), 2) our sworn enemies the Palestinians can now emigrate to America on our tax-payer dime and use their American military training against innocent American infidel families right here in the USA, 3) our sworn enemies the the Muslim Brotherhood will soon be running Egypt as a mini-caliphate and funneling tons of arms into Palestine and other Muslim countries to be used against infidel Israel, 4) our sworn enemies the Iranians' warships have free run (and by default reign) of Middle Eastern shipping routes, BUT 5) Libya will stay reigned by Gaddafi who is an "extra special friend" of quite a few black American leaders. Guess who?! Why all of Obama's favorite mutual friends!

Richard said...

I see that at least one Obot knows how to type, this is a surprise.

an EDL buck said...

Dymph, you may need to sharpen your satire skills. The reason that the obamas weren't invited to the royal wedding is because the scumbags had the temerity, did I spell that right, Im dyslexic so its hard for me to tell, to TOUCH OUR BELOVED QUEEN. Totally against protocal! They are ill mannered scum! And they wonder why they were SNUBBED? LOL

Zenster said...

an EDL buck: The reason that the obamas weren't invited to the royal wedding is because the scumbags had the temerity, did I spell that right, Im dyslexic so its hard for me to tell, to TOUCH OUR BELOVED QUEEN.

And here I am hoping it was because those snot gobbling toss pots had the cheek to return that bust of Winnie.

Professor L said...

I'll add to the EDL buck's comment regarding protocol that it's also not a state event. Prince William is 3rd in line to the throne (unlike Frederik of Denmark, who was Crown Prince when he married), and therefore, while European royalty is invited, and Commonwealth representatives as well (PMs, GGs, etc), the Americans, who decided a long time ago they wanted nothing to do with the Empire, are getting exactly what they asked for.

I'll also add, the exact same protocol was upheld for John Paul II's funeral. Royalty, no matter how minor, was in the front row. Presidents, no matter how powerful, sat behind. An occasional reminder that the Grace of God takes precedence over the Will of the People.