Thursday, November 03, 2005

Box Their Poxied Ears!

Dymphna’s posts on Theo van Gogh reminded me of a little ditty from alternative radio back in the 1970s. If Mr. Van Gogh enjoyed making fun of everyone, then surely he would have enjoyed this song.

Now, before Rune and Henrik and Pieter get on my case: it’s important to remember that the primary point of this song (besides having fun) was to mock traditional British intolerance of foreigners. It was funny thirty years ago, and it’s even funnier now in the PC Multicultural Age because it’s so forbidden.

Now for “I Hate the Dutch” by John Dowie:

I’m a British Tourist and I’m very, very rude.
I hate the stinking foreigners
hate their stinking food

I don’t like French or Germans
I don’t care for Belgians much
But worst of all worst of all
I hate the Dutch

The Dutch, the Dutch
I hate them worse than dogs.
They live in windmills
and mince around in clogs.

They don’t have any manners
They don’t say ‘thanks’ or ‘please’
all they eat is tulips
and stinking gouda cheese...

I’m a British tourist with a countenance severe
I love to strike the foreign type
And box their poxied ears

But there’s one woggy dago
I cannot bear to touch
The slimy crawling
stench appalling
snotty grotty Dutch

The Dutch are mad
Their fingers stuck in dikes
They use the wrong side of the road
And ride around on bikes

They don’t have any manners,
don’t have any brains.
There’s only one race worse than them
and that’s... THE DANES!


El Jefe Maximo said...

Reminds me of the Kingston Trio's "Merry Minuet"

Went something like this:
(from memory)

They're rioting in Africa
They're starving in Spain
There's hurricanes in Florida
And Texas needs rain

The whole world is festering with unhappy souls
The French hate the Germans, the Germans hate the Poles
Italians hate Yugoslavs, South Africans hate the Dutch.
And I don't like anybody very much

But we can be tranquil and thankful and proud
For man's been endowed with a mushroom shaped cloud
And we know for certain that some lovely day
Someone will set the spark off, and we will all be blown away

They're rioting in Africa
There's strife in Iran
What nature doesn't do to us
Will be done by our fellow man

Baron Bodissey said...

Jefe, you hit one of Dymphna's favorites with that one! But Dowie's song is a bit more trenchant -- maybe because 15 years further into the post-modern age...?

El Jefe Maximo said...

"woggy dago." Now those are both interesting words. I remember an old tale about a BEF subaltern in 1914, when boarding the cross-channel transports for France, instructing his troops to remember that "the wogs begin at Calais." Seems like I recall "wog" was originally a derisive acronym for "western oriental gentleman" used interchangably by the British for Indians, Persians and Arabs.

"Dago." Often vulgarly used over here for Italians, but in old British sailing naval usage (18th, early 19th Century), the "Dagoes" were the Spanish -- used interchangably with "the Dons."

Dymphna said...

Thanks a lot, el jefe...That song's been going thru my head for days. Now the Baron will have to hear me singing it for the next week.

In another lifetime I saw them perform this in New Orleans at Loyola. The crowd sang along.

Now one of the original members lives not far from us in an ashram...

What's so weird is the damn thing is still from the front pages, even the mushroom cloud, which had gone out of fashion for a few least as an immediate threat.

Baron Bodissey said...

Jefe, when I lived in Yorkshire my friends said, "Wogs begin at Settle", i.e. the Lancashire border.

X said...

As a brit I could easilly take offense at that song. Well, I could if I were one of those thin-skinned people who took offense at the phrase "people of colour"...

Odd thing I noticed. In America, calling someone "black" is offensive, and is substituted with "people of color", yet calling someone "coloured" over here is offensive, and we have to call them "black".

Dymphna said...


Here's my take on it, at least in my lifetime in America:

First, it was Negro.
Then it was Black
Then it Afro-American
Then it was Person of Color.
Now we're back to African American.

Bah and humbug. I say Black -- an old black women used to say she was tired of the changes and she herself was a Negro, thank you very much.

Waaaay too much attention to the label and not the contents.

Now me, I'm a thick mick married to a WASP who can't help it.

Thomas von der Trave said...

Ya'll are probably old enough to remember Tom Lehrer, right? Well, this thread just reminded me of his fine song, "National Brotherhood Week":

Oh, the white folks hate the black folks,
And the black folks hate the white folks;
To hate all but the right folks
Is an old established rule.

But during National Brotherhood Week,
National Brotherhood Week,
Lena Horne and Sheriff Clark are dancing cheek to cheek.
It's fun to eulogize
The people you despise
As long as you don't let 'em in your school.

Oh, the poor folks hate the rich folks,
And the rich folks hate the poor folks.
All of my folks hate all of your folks,
It's American as apple pie.

But during National Brotherhood Week,
National Brotherhood Week,
New Yorkers love the Puerto Ricans 'cause it's very chic.
Step up and shake the hand
Of someone you can't stand,
You can tolerate him if you try!

Oh, the Protestants hate the Catholics
And the Catholics hate the Protestants,
And the Hindus hate the Moslems,
And everybody hates the Jews.

But during National Brotherhood Week,
National Brotherhood Week,
It's National Everyone-Smile-At-One-Another-Hood Week.
Be nice to people who
Are inferior to you.
It's only for a week, so have no fear;
Be grateful that it doesn't last all year!

Dymphna said...

I'm glad Lehrer's stuff is still around.

Engineer-Poet said...

Heh.  I parodied "My Home Town" not long ago.

Virgil said...

Thanks for keeping Tom Lehrer in front of people. We could have used him during the last few years.