Friday, February 22, 2008

Carrie Nation Among the Muslims

Carrie NationAmericans of the Midwestern persuasion will need no introduction to Carrie Nation.

She was a member of the Women’s Christian Temperance Union in the late 19th century, and a zealous crusader against the evils of alcohol. Notorious for breaking up barrooms with a hatchet, she did battle fearlessly against the Demon Rum.

But modern Muslim purists put Carrie Nation to shame. The Halal Warriors are always alert to the slightest taint of pork or alcohol in the production of food. If you’re a food manufacturer, you’d better hope that none of your employees even thinks about beer while preparing your products.

The latest news comes from Britain, where the Halal Warriors are doing battle against crisps (known here in the colonies as “potato chips”) which may have been processed with a teeny-weeny bit of ethanol. According to The Daily Mail:

Muslims criticise Walkers after it is revealed that some crisp varieties contain alcohol

Furious Muslims have heavily criticised Walkers crisps after it emerged that certain varieties of the manufacturer’s products contain trace elements of alcohol.

Some crisp types use minute amounts of alcohol as a chemical agent to extract certain flavours.

The report in Asian newspaper Eastern Eye, highlights concerns raised by shopkeeper Besharat Rehman, who owns a halal supermarket in Bradford, West Yorkshire.

Mr Rehman told the paper: “A customer informed us that Sensations Thai Sweet Chilli and Doritos Chilli Heat Wave are not on Walkers’ alcohol-free list. Our suppliers were unaware of this.

“Even if it is a trace amount of alcohol, Walkers should make it clear on the packaging so that the customer can make an informed choice.”

If there is a single molecule of ethanol in any crisp, then Muslims must be told!

Mr. Rehman then goes on to accuse Walkers of that most deadly of postmodern sins, “insensitivity to Muslims”:
- - - - - - - - -
“I feel frustrated and angry. I have let my customers down simply because such a big company like Walkers is not sensitive to Muslim needs.

“Many of them were my daughter’s favourite crisps. As soon as I found out about the alcohol in them, I called home to ask my wife to throw out all the packets.”

Not only that, Muslims are offended:

Shuja Shafi, who chairs the food standards committee of the Muslim Council of Britain, said that he intended to investigate. “Certainly we would find it very offensive to have eaten food with alcohol.”

And there must be no compromise with the demon alcohol:

Masood Khawaja, of the Halal Food Authority, said that this was not the first time the issue had been raised with Walkers.

“They should have looked into the matter and solved it instead of hiding behind labelling regulations. It does not matter what percentage of alcohol is involved.

This is all a load of halal hooey, because even sharia experts among Muslims have ruled that trace amounts of alcohol are permissible for good Muslims to ingest. According to a spokesman for Walkers:

“In previous assessments by Muslim scholars, foods and drinks that contain trace amounts of ethyl alcohol have been confirmed as permissible for Muslim consumption because of both the fact that the ingredient does not bear its original qualities and does not change the taste, colour or smell of the product, and its very low level.”

But this isn’t about facts. It isn’t about science. It isn’t about being reasonable, and it isn’t even about alcohol.

It’s about who controls governance and commerce within the newest Islamic colonies in Europe.

Carrie NationIt’s about who’s boss. The British government have repeatedly shown that they are most emphatically not the boss, and the Archdhimmi of Canterbury agrees with them.

Islam is the boss. Carrie Nation of the Muslims is in the pub with her hatchet, and the old boss is cowering behind the bar, hoping that none of the glass splinters will ruin his coiffure.


Hat tip: HTP

20 comments:

spackle said...

I may be wrong but I thought the whole anti-alcohol thing with Muslims was about not getting drunk? I think you would have to eat a couple of tons of chips in about ten minutes to get a mild buzz. Once again Muslims supply comedy gold for any brave comedian out there.

Spinoneone said...

Let's go to complete heresy here as far as the Muslims are concerned. Why not agree on a group of Imams who are authorized to issue a "halal" stamp to go on food products approved by the group? Each stream of Islam could have its' own group of Imams and logo. Just like the Jewish community.

Friend of USA said...

By not being muslims we are being insensitive to muslims is what I am forced to conclude.

We should first think of muslims then and only then think about ourselves is what I am hearing.

Everything is about muslims is the message that is coming loud and clear.

Is it any wonder I am fed up with muslims?...

ln said...

Alcohol is nicissary f’r a man so that now an’ thin he can have a good opinion iv himsilf, ondisturbed be th’ facts.
- - - - -
They ask thee concerning wine and gambling, say: "In them is great sin, and some profit, for men; but the sin is greater than the profit..."(2:219)

IoshkaFutz said...

Then the Muslims had better stop drinking orange juice. There are traces of alcohol in it and they're pretty much inevitable.

http://www.newton.dep.anl.gov/askasci/gen06/gen06354.htm

spackle said...

If you have ever sucked on a piece of sugar free candy or other sugar free product you may have noticed a cool feeling on your tongue. Those are sugar alcohols baby. I feel bad for all the Muslim diabetics out there. Alcohol or diabetic coma? Some choice. At least in the latter you get to meet Allah sooner with a clean record.

Gringo_Malo said...

Perhaps we Westerners should intentionally contaminate all food products with traces of ethanol. Admittedly, this idea is stolen from Paul Sperry, who wrote a column entitled, "If pigs could fly..."

But, as the Baron says, this has nothing to do with reason and everything to with who's boss. We aren't boss in our own countries any more.

Anonymousterry said...

No one it seems has realised, including Walkers, that any alcohol, in this case ethanol, is burned off during the manufacture of the chips.

There would be no trace element that anyone could pick up on in the finished product.

It also appears from reading this post, that Walkers have covered their arse by approaching knowledgeable Muslims, who have given the OK for all Muslims to consume this product.

My problem with the whole thing is that why did the managers of Walkers feel compelled to consult with the Muslims in the first place? I mean this is a product that is quite acceptable to the majority of Britishers yet has to be run past some spokesperson for a minority religious group! Really sad. Terry

Joanne said...

Holy Smokes, you can't even get the government to list all the ingredients in a product on their label, to let people know if there are genetically modified ingredients, or if meat in the supermarket has been cloned. Let's work on the important stuff first - burned off ethanol does not even rate.

Stopmakingsense said...

Ehhhmmm;

Hate to be the harbinger doom to my superior Muslim demigods - but - and I dont know how to say this...

Chocolate products, to a large extent contain a type of pork fat.

As I myself, am a dhimmi of no Islamic repute, I cannot for the life of me understand, how you - the interlectually superior peoples of this earth, have failed to either notice this point, or at least introduce fatwas forewarning your Ummah on this truly horrific issue.

Oh well..... Time for a blanket ban on comfort foods me thinks....

Whoops... Perhaps I should'nt give my government food for thought. (if you'll pardon the pun).

Stopmakingsense said...

I'm afraid I've discovered yet more horrific findings on this most sensitive of issues.

This time I'll quote from the British medical journals;

"Halal meat, like all meats, contains alcohol. It is the natural process of a dead body to espouse such a fluid after death".

Well knock me down sideways and call me a giraffe!.

Is this all just a cruel twist of fate?.

Perhaps the only solution that truly pious Muslims can now entertain, is to not eat or drink anything at all. - Just to be on the safe side you understand....

Peter G said...

Have to agree with Spinoneone. If the local Muslim community want to ensure things are halal they need do what the Jews do.

Create an advisory board that inspects and certifies food as being halal. If the product doesn't carry the groups label, it's not neccessarily halal. Observant Muslims would only buy items with a label.

Laine said...

All this heat and light about trivialities occurs when Muslims make up a small percentage of the population.

Just imagine what life will be like when they are in the driver's seat with a (temporarily) remaining minority of non-Muslims. Actually, we don't have to imagine. It's on display in all majority Muslim countries.

Their non-Muslim populations have been decimated and the remnants have their persons attacked, houses of worship/libraries/homes burned down, must follow sharia law in public, have little to no rights compared to Muslims, etc.

The religion that makes for intolerant masters also makes the biggest demands when in a minority position. Whether they have the numbers or not, everyone has to kowtow to Islam.

Hope the scales fall from the eyes of enough Westerners to allow for at least some sharia-free countries as refuges for non-Muslims.

Don Meaker said...

I would suggest that the degree of concentration that is binding on Muslims is only that which can be dectected by instruments manufactured in accordance with the Koran.

That is, a concentration of 6% or higher.

RISE_UP said...

Some good advice to all muslims and it will save your seething: STICK TO CAMEL CHIPS!!!

Zenster said...

“In previous assessments by Muslim scholars, foods and drinks that contain trace amounts of ethyl alcohol have been confirmed as permissible for Muslim consumption because of both the fact that the ingredient does not bear its original qualities and does not change the taste, colour or smell of the product, and its very low level.”

Does anyone still remember the Somali taxi driver keruffle in Minneapolis? Even though local imams had absolved the hacks of transporting anyone carrying alcohol—so long as they did not actually partake of it—such sanctions meant nothing in the face of being able to complain incessantly and making further trouble.

So it is with these @ssclowns. All of this has absolutely nothing to do with alcohol. The above quote makes that quite clear. So, why are they still complaining?

BECAUSE THEY CAN.

Perhaps this sort of intransigence needs to be met with charges of "stirring up religious hatred". This is exactly what such people are attempting to do and it should be treated as such.

Being someone who has worked as a professional chef, I seem to recall that all yeast rising doughs also contain slight amounts of ethanol. Let's hope that Muslims everywhere swear off all pastries, leavened breads and every other form of delightful risen baked goods. Great lengths should be taken to extend this to its logical conclusion. Muslims should be confronted with how a truly halal diet would most likely—and, if the truth be told, properly—consist of nothing but sand and oil.

With comforting frequency, Laine cuts to the chase:

Just imagine what life will be like when they are in the driver's seat with a (temporarily) remaining minority of non-Muslims. Actually, we don't have to imagine. It's on display in all majority Muslim countries.

Their non-Muslim populations have been decimated and the remnants have their persons attacked, houses of worship/libraries/homes burned down, must follow sharia law in public, have little to no rights compared to Muslims, etc.

The religion that makes for intolerant masters also makes the biggest demands when in a minority position. Whether they have the numbers or not, everyone has to kowtow to Islam.


Give these buggers an inch and they'll take light years. It's long past tea to end this farce and make sure some serious blowback awaits any further nonsense from these whingeing bastards.

Apropos of nothing: In a conversation with a Muslim woman co-worker from French Guiana, I mentioned the Saudi Girls School Fire. Despite her own low opinion of Saudi Wahhabists she was still stunned into speechlessness by my description of the uncovered schoolgirls being herded back into their blazing building in order that they might burn to death.

As is so often the case with those who claim to be most pious they, instead, make themselves an easy target for the most searing criticism. It was gratifying in the extreme when this Muslim woman agreed with me about how assassinating the top 1,000 terrorist clerics, operatives and financiers would be far more productive than any politics or Iraqi-style wars. She, herself, admitted that the Arabs have hatred "in their blood and cannot let go of it".

Snake Oil Baron said...

Yup. Any source of glucose in an open environment will accumulate small amounts of ethanol due to environmentally present yeasts and bacteria. It seems that nature hates Muslims. Islamophobia is an intrinsic property of the universe.

anon said...

Good one, snake oil baron.

pst314 said...

Traces of alcohol in flavor extracts? The horror!

AWAY WITH RUM (THE SONG OF THE TEMPERANCE UNION)

We're coming, we're coming, our brave little band,
On the right side of temperance we do take our stand.
We don't use tobacco because we do think
That the people who use it are likely to drink.

CHORUS:
Away, away with rum by gum,
With rum by gum, with rum by gum!
Away, away with rum by gum!
The song of the Temperance Union!

We never eat fruitcake because it has rum
And one little bite turns a man to a bum,
Oh, can you imagine a sorrier sight
Than a man eating fruitcake until he gets tight?

(chorus)

We never eat cookies, because they have yeast,
And one little bite turns a man to a beast.
Can you imagine such a sorry disgrace,
As a man in the gutter with crumbs on his face?

(chorus)

(endless verses getting sillier and sillier)

pst314 said...

Many flavor extracts are alcohol-based, because the chemicals composing the flavors are not water-soluble but are alcohol-soluble, and thus alcohol must be used to extract the flavor from the source and because only in alcohol will the flavor remain dissolved and readily usable.

Other substances are neither water-soluble nor alcohol-soluble but are fat-soluble, which explains the reason for certain cooking techniques.

So, if I can ward off vampires by wearing a clove of garlic around my neck (not to mention anyone with a functioning olfactory system) can I ward of muslim fanatics by wearing a vial of vanilla extract around my neck? Time to buy stock in the McCormick spice company!