What a hue and cry in Britain today! Or a 'hue' at the very least:
Police chiefs have banned IT staff from using the word “blacklist over fears it is RACIST.And so now instead we callously disregard the sensitivities of those “Little Green Men” on Mars? Is that it?? Not to mention Native American “Redman” tobacco? Quelle horreur!
In an email, Scotland Yard warned staff the words were no longer “appropriate”.
Security services chief Brian Douglas wrote: “IB (Information Board) are uncomfortable with the use of the term Whitelist (and I presume Blacklist).
“I am sure we can appreciate the sensitivity around the use of such terminology today so please ensure it is no longer used.” He suggested using green and red list instead.
Why not a “Mauve List”? Or magenta for rilly rilly serious offenders? Serious offences call for serious colors, me boys. And those black eyes you’re gonna get for this latest official stupidity? Call them “multi-colored orbital contusions”. Surely no one can censure any term which begins with “multi”. Surely?
Sources at the Met — where 20 officers are under investigation over alleged racism — branded the decision “bizarre”.True enough. But appearances matter when you're overpaid and haven't enough to do. So nah, nah. I have my fingers in my ears... can’t hear you. Besides, everything has everything to do with race. My heavens, under what rock have these bureaucrats been hiding all this time?
One said: “Do we really think these words are discriminatory? The truth is they’re nothing to do with race whatsoever and are very common IT terms. Banning them won’t solve any genuine problems the Met has with racism.”
Scotland Yard said: “This is not a change in policy.I’ll translate that for you: “This is not a change in policy. This is a change made to reflect the further dumbing down of those in charge. Our supersensitive ears cannot abide such overt displays of hatred. None o' that at Scotland Yard, you buggers”.
“It is a change in internal Information Communications Technology terminology which reflects a more appropriate use of language.”
These men are utterly no help at all. Now what am I supposed to call my Little Black Dress? “Little Dark Garment” doesn’t make it.
Pass the smelling salts, Betsy Jane. This will not do.
As always, our readers — perhaps particularly the Brits since this is happening on their turf — will chime in with some remedial locutions for this worrisome conundrum.
Oops. Is “turf” a color?