Monday, November 05, 2007

A Striking Opportunity

James D. Miller, the economics professor, has a capital idea: bloggers could cross the picket lines and become union strike breakers in the current Writers Guild of America’s walk-out:

Though this strike affects all 12,000 screenwriters and TV writers in the Writers Guild of America, the television industry will be hit first and immediately.

Thanks to the Los Angeles Times, here’s a breakdown of how some of our favorite shows will be impacted. And it isn’t going to be pretty.

“The Tonight Show with Jay Leno,” “The Conan O’Brien Show” and “Jimmy Kimmel Live” will go into repeats immediately because those daily shows are staffed with WGA writers. Also add “Late Night with David Letterman” to that mix.

“The Daily Show with Jon Stewart” and “The Colbert Report” also will go into reruns immediately because their scripts are written daily due to their topicality. (Now this strike is starting to hurt.)

Also, variety shows like “Saturday Night Live” will go into reruns immediately since they depend on topical comedy as well.

I can think of a few funny guys who could cover some of the bases in this game until the strike is over.

For one, there’s Fuggettaboutit. He could stand in for “Saturday Night Live” writers all by himself. Here’s his take on exercise, the non-value of (consider how this would look as a skit):

Seriously, what does good health really buy you once you hit 50 years old?

An extra five years?

What if that extra five years is during Hillary Clinton’s time as President? Do I want to spend the last five years of my life listening to someone that always sounds like a pissed off ex-wife?

What if you diet and exercise to get that extra five years and then get run over by an illegal alien who doesn’t have any auto insurance?

Sisters' Cure for ADD
This is an Italian after my own heart. He also has a feature on Café Press called wopwear. One of his items is that great picture of the nuns with rifles. However…
- - - - - - - - -
I don’t know that I agree this is, strictly speaking, wop wear. Those look like Irish nuns to me; truth in advertising would suggest that he name it mickwear.

Are We Lumberjacks? could do a bang-up job for Jon Stewart. An added plus would be the fact that his political jokes would come from the other side of the aisle, sending the progressives in paroxysms of fury. They might end up too disabled to vote, thus earning Lumberjack a Presidential Medal…of some sort.

"You Had Me at Idiot" already possesses the credentials for strike-breaking the Writers’ Guild. He has a book out - thus proving he’s a writer - and he has a fine idea for catching crooks while they’re still young enough not to have done too much harm. Check out this smooth operation. This guy is so politically incorrect he'll have to go into hiding when Miz Hillary declares martial law wins the presidency...and then declares martial law.

Or how about Scrapple Face (“News Fairly Unbalanced. We Report. You Decipher”), the dean of them all. He even has a solution for this strike by the Writers’ Guild:

In perhaps the most Reagan-esque moment of his presidency, George Bush today responded to the declaration of a strike by 12,000 Hollywood writers by ordering late-night comedy writers back to work within 48 hours.

Mr. Bush noted that in August of 1981, President Ronald Reagan fired 11,345 striking air traffic controllers and replaced them.

In a brief Oval Office statement, Mr. Bush said, “If I have to replace every writer for The Daily Show, Stephen Colbert, Johnny Carson and whatever else is on TV after my bedtime, I will do it. I’m the decider. I’m personally responsible to make sure that Americans have something to laugh at every night.”

The president expressed reluctance to nationalize the Writers Guild of America, but said he has placed the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) on standby in case the guild members defy his order. He would also ask California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger to deploy the state’s National Guard units to maintain order during a professional joke blackout, ensuring that citizens “don’t take humor into their own hands.”

While daily comedy shows would be first affected and hardest hit by the strike, the president said he’s taking such firm and rapid action because the work-stoppage will eventually slow Hollywood’s production of “films that set the moral tone for our nation, and establish America’s reputation overseas.”

“Let no one question our resolve in this matter,” said Mr. Bush. “I sincerely hope the union doesn’t misunderestimate the values I place on professional writing.”

Maybe Scrapple Face could just be declared President of the Strike Breakers and then he could make all the necessary appointments for the programs affected.

I suggest Fred Thompson as a fill in for the writers behind “Law & Order: Criminal Intent” - think of the exposure it would give him for his campaign. I know he’s not a blogger, but we could make an exception here for previous experience.

All of y’all with TVs, who actually know some of these shows could probably make better suggestions than I have here. Be my guest…I’m always on the lookout for humorous blogs.

Now if I could just think of a use for Lolcats. Besides Bible reading writing, anyway. Calling their deity “Ceiling Cat” is truly inspired. Such talent deserves prime time exposure, hai?. Here's the beginning fo the Beginning, all done because Ceiling Cat is bored:

Oh hai. In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat maded teh skiez An da Urfs, but he did not eated dem.

2 Da Urfs no had shapez An haded dark face, An Ceiling Cat rode invisible bike over teh waterz.

3 An Ceiling Cat sayz, i can haz lite? An lite wuz.4 An Ceiling Cat sawed teh lite, to seez stuffs, An splitted teh lite from dark but taht wuz ok cuz kittehs can see in teh dark An not tripz over nethin.5 An Ceiling Cat sayed light Day An dark no Day. It were FURST!!!1

15 comments:

Nyog of the Bog said...
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Nyog of the Bog said...
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Nyog of the Bog said...
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Dymphna said...

None of these URLS works. I even tried googling using the name of the two blogs and they still gave me the same old

"Internet Explorer cannot display the webpage"

Y'all have been bloogered. Is someone doing unmentionable things to your website?

Nyog of the Bog said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Archonix said...

They're working for me too.

ZZMike said...

More than a few have pointed out that what we'll be missing with the writers out on strike would be smaller than an agent's heart (or a flea's navel).

There are a few good writers out there, but the vast majority are people who grew up not on Shakespeare and Homer (no, not that one), but on MTV and the 2-second shot.

Bring on the fuddy-duddies, and bring on the new crop of science fiction writers (like Charles Stross, for one), or writers of "young adult" fiction (which seems to be the main target anyway) (like Madeline l'Engle or Diana Wynn Jones (who's done real well in Japanese Anime).

This could start a whole new trend, where families talk to one another after the breadwinner brings the loaf home after work.

I don't know about that one. I think it was tried once, but evidently never caught on.

Clorinda said...

Considering the trash they write, they could remain on strike indefinitely, for all I care.

Now, if only Congress would go on strike ...

Profitsbeard said...

FADE IN-

DESCENDING CRANE SHOT following:

-a 1950's era vintage "DUCK" effigy, on a visible wire, being lowered toward a MOTLEY group of marching SCREENWRITERS who are haphazardly protesting in front of the famous PARAMOUNT gate.

TWO SHOT of a pair of WRITERS- JILL and BILL- who look up and spot the "Duck".

JILL
Bill, isn't that..?!

BILL
Groucho's icon! Yeah!

JILL
What's the "secret word"?

BILL
"Strike"?

DUCK
(synthesized voice)
You win a $100 gift certificate to "Hi-Colonic", the juice bar with the 'goose".

JILL
"Hate the drake."

BILL
No quoting copyrighted dialog, Jill.

JILL
So, retro-Duck, what are you, a strike-breaker?

DUCK
No, I'm here to offer some bargaining advice.

BILL
I know, "a bird in the hand"...

DUCK
No, I'm all in favor of getting your fair share of royalties from new tech outlets, but you'll lose the p.r. war if you don't lampoon the studio bosses.

JILL
I prefer harpoon.

DUCK
There's your mistake. It's a battle of wits, and you can't go in half-cocked.

BILL
Okay, Duck, let's hear your pitch.

DUCK
Bad pun during a strike. (beat) But, you need to look at classic Hollywood films for the answer.

JILL
Like?

BILL
"Duck Soup"?

DUCK
"Horsefeathers".

JILL
I was thinking "Monkey Business"

The Duck begins to ASCEND and the CRANE SHOT follows it.

DUCK
Hello, I must be going.

BILL
Bless you, fowl.

JILL
"Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana."

FADE TO BLACK.

Nyog of the Bog said...

Yesterday I came here and tried to post some links but since I'm new at this sort of thing I made of mess of things which can not be pleasing to the host. For the record though, as noted by archronix, the links and urls did work. The sites are not mine. They belong to the brilliant writer/graphic artist and Russian Émigré who goes by the handle Red Square on his own sites. Here are
are the links:

The People's Cube

Gulagosphere

Dymphna mentioned that she thought I might have been "bloogered" An interesting term I had not encountered before but then all this is pretty new to me. The truth is of course, that if there was any "bloogering" done it was done by me to my self, unintentionally. So in the Thread dedicated to strike breaking from conservative humorists of the blogosphere, I created my own comedy of errors; the joke was on me.

In addition to mucking up my posts and links, I also unknowingly added a link to this GoV thread to my empty blog, the blog I just opened a few days ago, so as to be able to post comments here and that, me thinks, explains much of the confusion.

Though I wasn't really asking for one, I do plan to make use of my blog site in the near future but intend to take my time building it (learning in my own comic fashion as I do).

And so there you have it.

Sorry the mess Dymphna and Thank you Archonix for not thinking me mad.

Dymphna said...

profitsbears--

You're hired!

clorinda-- Congress is waaaay ahead of you. They self-promote. Too bad they don't self-detonate.

nyog--

I couldn't even get in when I googled the two sites. They came up in google okay, with several hits each right at the top, but none of them would open.

Maybe it was a conspiracy....

Nyog of the Bog said...

Just a personal opinion:

Google = Evil

And now I'm using Blogger and have a G-Mail account. I have to be here. You can't escape it but I use Ask.com as much as I can.

Clorinda said...

dymphna said:
"clorinda-- Congress is waaaay ahead of you. They self-promote. Too bad they don't self-detonate."

LOL. I know. Can't imagine how they avoid it. They all so full of gas and hot air. Oh, well. I guess the devil looks out for his own.

Alaska Paul said...

Most of the shows - evening talk, sitcoms is just mind rot. People need to do more things themselves --- family things, make their own music, read. The strike could trigger a rebirth of healthy creativity at a personal level. Let the strike go on for a long time and people will rediscover themselves and never go back to mind rot TV.

Obi's Sister said...

Shoot yeah, sign me up.