Thursday, December 29, 2005

Old Islam Rule: Bite The Hand That Feeds You

One has to feel some sympathy for satirists these days. Many of the “real” news stories belong to some surreal post-parody genre. Reading one of these articles slackens the jaw; reading very many probably does more brain damage than grain alcohol. The only cure for reading these bizarre stories is laughing all the way down the page. Or moving on the comics section -- which is actually where they belong.

To give you a feel for post-parody, consider the mock trial coming up in February, which will probably generate enough heat to keep the immediate environs toasty:
     The Arab Lawyers Union, a Cairo-based organization which includes twenty-four national bar associations of Arab countries, has decided to hold a moot court hearing against “war criminals who harmed Arabs and Muslims,” the Arab media reported Tuesday.
Common sense makes one want to ask who is being mooted first. Saddam Hussein? Hamas? The ISI in Pakistan? The security forces in Egypt? Mubarak? How about digging up Arafat and starting with that bag of bones? He could be joined by the patron saint of beheaders, al-Zarqawi.

Probably not. This is the Middle East, after all — the place where Alice went to live after her experiences in the Looking Glass. This is fantasy-land, Michael Jackson’s refuge from the storm, this is Dhimmitude Central where the only good Jew is a dead one…except even death doesn’t make him acceptable.

Nope, it’s ol’ George and Tony and Ariel up on charges. The Evil Ones have been chosen by these 400,000 Arab lawyers to go to the top of the Devil class::
    …the Union drafted a list of “war criminals” topped by Prime Minister Ariel Sharon, U.S. President George W. Bush and British Prime Minister Tony Blair.
In the “indictment,” Prime Minister Sharon is accused of crimes against the Palestinians in the Gaza Strip and West Bank, while Blair and Bush are held accountable for “war crimes” in Afghanistan and Iraq.
Does this sound familiar? Are we not once again in the Senate basement with the Democrats holding their mock impeachment of Bush a few months ago? Amazing parallel in the mind sets of these two groups, isn’t there?

But it gets even better. It gets to “you-can’t-make-this-stuff-up” levels:
    The mock trial will be held at the Union’s headquarters in Cairo in February with organizers expecting to lure personalities like Nelson Mandela, former Malaysian Prime Minister Mahathir Muhammad, and former Algerian president Ahmed Ben Bella to act as judges.
This news report seems to have the correct verb spotted here: these "personalities" will indeed be "lured." Let's not ask what the bait is beyond vainglory and a large dose of envy.

But that's not all. The most useful kafirs idiots are waiting to be invited: London Mayor Ken Livingstone, British MP George Galloway, and … ta da… the non-kafir, the Mufti of Jerusalem, Sheikh Ekrama Sabri, are expected to be called for jury duty.

The criminals in question will have their indictments delivered to their respective embassies in Cairo. No doubt they will be trembling behind the curtains. Meanwhile, that renowned and respected global barrister, Ramsey Clarke, will be their chief prosecutor.

Well, maybe Saddam Hussein will have his own special mass grave dug in time so that by February ol’ Ramsey can move on to Cairo to get things hotted up for Saint Valentine’s Day.

I can't wait to see whatever version of this story The New York Times cooks up writes. With their staff of intrepid reporters, never fear. You know it will be the kind of first-rate journalism we've come to expect from those pages, the ones decorated by Maureen Dowd and Paul "Never-Once-Right" Krugman, and Jayson Blair. Oops. Never mind.

Write it in your calendar now: Cairo. February.

Hat tip:Muscular Liberals


shoprat said...

Are you sure this isn't satire. Mad Magazine isn't this out of it.

Baron Bodissey said...

Well, I certainly hope Michael Moore has a role in this. Even if it's just the bailiff...

X said...

I wish it was parody. Unfortunately Galloway and REd Ken are going to leap on this like fleas to a cat. Or, for added irony, a filthy dog.

BB, I'm sure Moore will have a roll-on part at some point in the proceedings. ;)

Unknown said...

Here's an interesting article on ME politics and the Jihadi Empire's possible unravelling and disintegration of with the spread of democracy:

The disintegration of the Alawi tribal state in Damascus is one among other possible outcomes of the present crisis in both Syria and Lebanon. This particular political script could send this rugged bunch of "heretics" fleeing for refuge back home in their mountain stronghold, unleashing the forces of centrifugal fragmentation in Syria to encompass, in addition to the Alawis, the Druse in the south and Kurds in the northeast. A new map for Syria would carry sweeping regional implications for Iraq and Turkey, Lebanon and Israel.

The "Zionist virus," as the Arabs call it, would then spread and grant liberty to small peoples on the model of the Jews of Israel. Buoyed by a dialectical twist of history, the political transformations would serve Israel's strategic benefit. A tamed or divided Syria would neutralize Israel's last major Arab protagonist after Egypt and Iraq, from active aggression.

The source for this enigmatic Assadian scenario can be traced to Sleiman Assad, Hafez's grandfather, who offered his own contribution to this possible turn of events. He, along with five other Alawi representatives, signed a letter on June 15, 1936, sent to French prime minister Leon Blum. Its contents are remarkable when set in contrast to the views of his Ba'athist pan-Arabist grandson and great-grandson.

Considering the Zionist national enterprise, Sleiman and his friends refer in their letter to "those good Jews who have brought modernity and peace… and spread fortune and prosperity in Palestine, without hurting or taking anything by force. Despite this, Muslims declared a sacred war against them and slaughtered their children and women [in 1929 and again in the Arab Uprising of 1936]. The Jews and the minorities of the Middle East are destined for a black future…"

This foreboding prophecy can explain the shifty ideological path chosen by Hafez and his son, and of the Alawi community in general, flaunting their Arabism at every turn, even feigning Islamic faith.

But the game may be over now, but opening up another option. The "minority equation" within a pluralistic Syria can be animated with vigor, if the Alawis throw off the chains of Arab nationalism and join other politically compatible fellow peoples for a modest life of dignity and freedom in the Middle East.

Unknown said...


1. I think it has always been an Israel-Islam issue. It might have been initially localized to the ME, but with advent of global communication it naturally assumed its wider global play.

2. Under Arab Islamic conquest, many peoples got dressed in the clothing of Arab Nationalism (ethnicity, culture, history, language, religion, etc). It was that or face dhimmitude, annihilation. The failed Islamic Empire and Archetype is losing its strength. Already we've been witness to the unraveling and disintegration this Empire. You might not have been aware of this, but the Jihadists sure have. It started with the rebirth of Israel, and it will continue as the various Arabized peoples start to seek and reassert their original identity.

3. The Kurds could be first of such peoples to discard the trappings of Arabism/Islam. In the race towards modernity, others are to follow. The Islamists just can't compete in this arena. And they can't keep people in ignorance in perpetuity. Of course you're right, the Jihadists will never come to terms with this loss to the Ummah. Israel represents the beginning of the end to their Dhimmitude Empire. Jihadi enmity towards the other will ensure their increasingly precarious supremacist ideology inevitably will be overthrown and eradicated.