Monday, September 19, 2005

Russia and the Caliphate Sign Non-Aggression Pact

Leaders finalize protocols to the Hudna of Lausanne

September 11, 2067
By Mahmud O’Connor, European Correspondent

Kinsky Palace, PraguePRAGUE, Czech Republic (AP) — Meeting in the historic Kinsky Palace in Prague today, Russian President Yevgeny Ivanov and Caliph Hassan bin Laden signed the supplemental protocols to last year’s Hudna of Lausanne, paving the way for a final resolution of outstanding security issues in Europe.

The last several months have seen protracted wrangling over the disposition of Russian and Islamic troops, the status of certain territories, and the treatment of Orthodox Christians in the territories occupied by the Caliphate. “The Russians have driven a hard bargain, as usual,” said Omar al-Belgi, a spokesman for the Umma.

Under the terms of the agreement, Russia will occupy islands in the Baltic, including Gotland, and will be granted access to all of Poland and Romania. Switzerland and the Czech Republic will retain their neutrality, but Bulgaria will become part of the demilitarized “Dhimmi” zone, and Austria will be fully occupied by the Umma. According to sources close to the Caliph, bin Laden plans to name Mohammed bin Rashid al-Masri as Sultan of the new Austrian Province of the Caliphate.

Europe after the Hudna of Lausanne

Of particular contention was the status of the mujahideen in the Caucasus. Russia insisted that bin Laden withdraw his troops at least 60 kilometers south of the Caucasus Wall, creating an additional demilitarized zone in Georgia and Azerbaijan. Under the final terms of the protocols, the surviving Chechens in the Russian Federation will be given safe passage through the Wall, and will be resettled in what used to be Armenia.

With her territories in Southwest Asia secured by her alliance with China, and her Far East buffered by Chinese Siberia, Russia is expected to enjoy more security than she has in at least a generation. “Stability in Holy Russia and stability in the Near Abroad enhance the security of all nations,” said Mr. Ivanov.

The last several weeks of negotiations were taken up with the status of Orthodox Christian communities remaining within the Umma and the Dhimmi Zone. The Caliphate has agreed that Orthodox Christians who accept their dhimmi status, pay the jizya, and do not overtly express their faith will be left unmolested in the territories controlled by the Umma. In return, Russia agreed to allow the Caliph’s troops to occupy all of Greece.

Roman Catholics and Protestants, however, are not offered the same protection. Observers expect the mujahideen to begin razing cathedrals and rounding up infidels in the newly-occupied territories, just as they have done in the French and Belgian sultanates. No non-Muslim journalists are permitted in these areas, but escaping refugees arriving in Israel have reported massive and brutal atrocities inflicted on non-Orthodox Christians by marauding bands of Islamic irregulars.

Russia and the Umma, however, are unwilling to let such events cloud their historic occasion. “Islam has made treaties with non-believers since the time of the Prophet (peace be upon him),” said Caliph bin Laden to reporters at the joint press conference. “We will accord this momentous agreement the same respect we have granted all the earlier ones, Allah willing.”


CDR Salamander said...

Iceland? No hummus in Iceland.

Baron Bodissey said...

No hummus in Norway, either, but they have plenty of Muslims there.

It's my future, and I'll have imams in Iceland if I wanna...

OBloodyHell said...

> No hummus in Norway, either

I'm sure they import...

Rue St. Michel said...

RSM says:

"Brilliant stroke of blogging genius. Great post - I'm forwarding the link to everyone I know."

Semper Fidelis - Furor Scribendi

Anonymous said...

Wait a minute! How has Israel survived in a world which includes a powerful Islamic Caliphate which has conquered all of Western Europe?

Baron Bodissey said...

Aha! I've been waiting for months for someone to ask that question!

A 2-word answer:

Anonymous said...

And balls, Baron, don't forget balls. What use weapons without the balls to employ them?

npabga said...

After living in Russia for a while, I have to say, there is no way that there could be a strong Russia in 60 years time. Currently the population is 140 million, with 700,000 net decrease in population (births minus deaths). Currently, be some estimates 15-20% is muslim. Sure the majority (75%-80$) is Orthodox, this is only nominally, tied up with a sense of culture and history. Tied with a large inflow of immigrants, it is interesting to actually read someone's prediction of a strong Russia!

also note: Putin and co. are strong supporters of the Muslim world:

First two paragraphs

"Russia is the most reliable partner of the Islamic world and most faithful defender of its interests, Russian President Vladimir Putin said in Chechnya’s capital Grozny. Putin unexpectedly visited the war-ravaged republic to speak in the local parliament that opened for its first sitting on Monday.

“Russia has always been the most faithful, reliable and consistent defender of the interests of the Islamic world. Russia has always been the best and most reliable partner and ally. By destroying Russia, these people (terrorists) destroy one of the main pillars of the Islamic world in the struggle for rights (of Islamic states) in the international arena, the struggle for their legitimate rights,” Putin was quoted by Itar —Tass as saying, drawing applause from Chechen parliamentarians"

Theseus said...

This nightmare scenario has already happened. Outsiders from the Middle-East who utterly hate western culture have already flooded Europe with hordes of enemies. As in your (imagined) scenario, they did it while smiling and preaching "tolerance" and "anti-racism" as much as with murder. They, too jail people for going against the orthodoxy, supplanting western culture's central tenant of logical inquiry. Worst of all, because of their own cowardice or inability to imagine that the takeover has already occurred, "western" collaborators (many of them call themselves conservative) stand at the ready to inform on those who would oppose this nightmare.

The takeover has happened. It wasn't Arabs, and they weren't Muslims. They are Jews.

Think your way through it, for yourselves and your children--THINK! Jews open gates for invaders.

geza1 said...


It was not just the Jews who opened the gates towards the Muslims in Spain. If you had any grasp of history you would have known that the peasants were also very upset with the Visigoths and to a lesser extent, the Romans. Likewise, the Berbers and Copts in North Africa just about had it with Greek imperialism and they welcomed the Muslims with open arms. The Berbers, ignorant of their own Christianity, even thought the Muslims were Christians. The reason why Islam conqured West Asia, North Africa and Spain so quickly was not because of the perfidous Jews in their midst but because of widespread discontent the local populace had towards their foreign occupiers. Also, all the wars and division among the Empires made it that much easier for the Muslims to conquer all those lands.

Your projection is not helpful either. Blaming the Jews for preaching tolerance and anti-racism becomes irrelevant when Europe created those concepts herself in the first place without the help of any Jews. The roots for tolerance and anti-racism can be found in Christianity and it became magnified through its alter ego, liberalism.

Arius said...

(I emailed Baron Bodissey the following message)

Over the last eighteen years there is almost no place in the world where the Islamic jihad has been beaten back, so I am proud to say that Armenians took the jihad head on and smashed it. Since the 1990’s Nagorno-Karabakh is still Christian Armenian, and the Armenians will not allow it to ever again come under the control of Azerbaijan.

The map should show an enlarged Armenia that includes Nagorno-Karabakh. Armenia’s color on the map should be that of a Russian protectorate. Unlike Eastern Europe on your map that is shown as a Russian protectorate Armenia has been a Russian protectorate since the fall of the USSR and is a member of the CIS. Russia and Armenia are very close and strong supporters of each other (in spite of what you may read in the Western media). When Turkey positioned its armed forces to invade Armenia after the fall of the USSR it was Russia that told Turkey it would be at war it if it invaded. Still today there are Russian forces in Armenia.

Armenians have been fighting the Islamic jihad for fourteen centuries. Why would it give up in the next fifty years?

Gabrielos said...

Well people you have a serious problem and this is probably a serious mental confusion along with grave psychological immaturity. And to show that I am don’t just throw around insults I will explain. How Islam will conquer West Europe. The only, I mean the only, ways for a country or better a cultural. religious or national sovereignty to occupy another one, are the following two: First, War and violence something becoming impossible after the development of deterrent nuclear weapons-those by the way Europe has enough of them. The second way is a slow process of cultural invasion and dominance over the invaded culture which is quite more rare, as an example we can mention the expansion of Christianity over paganism in Europe or a part of the colonization of the rest of the world from Europe, which again was combined with force most of the times and based on a far advanced technological level of the invaders.
I suppose the only way for the islamization of Europe will be the acceptance of Islam from our political, economic and cultural elites as was happened in the case of Christianity something that really seems completely impossible ( i cant imagine Merkel in burda and Sarkozi with a turban he he) or the even more far away possibility that the European populations will start to convert without the intervention of force willingly to Islam. Well as far as I know European population mainly consist of a statistically important minority of a still strong Christian believers and of a weak majority of non-religious people. How these people would convert willingly to Islam (you must know that especially non-religious agnostics are extremely difficult to convert to any religion how much more to a “cute” "tolerant" and “compatible” with the West religion like Islam (for anyone who don’t get it this is irony) or at least to the extreme version of Islam (which is unfortunately currently the dominant especially in the Arabic world) .

Gabrielos said...

So the only way for the islamization would be a continuous flow of Muslims in European countries. Still the Muslim minorities are at the level of 5%-10% and again only in some Northern countries (you can check it here . I can see no way that Europe does not want and will not control this flow of people (except if we believe a conspiracy against Europe probably by important crypto-muslims European officials he he permit me to laugh). But again the worst case scenario would be a creation of a Muslim minority by 20-25% over the total population of Europe if there is very lax control of immigration and a strong demographic trend against people of European descent and this will happen at least in two generations (50 years), if all those things mentioned occur. Probably this mean that if those people don’t become integrated-something which their religion really don’t help since it is rigid, deeply rooted to tradition and hostile to modernity- there will exist as second grade citizens although a large and numerous minority (the Muslims) something that could lead to even severe internal conflicts that will also affect the international conflicts and tensions.
I am sorry people all the things said here are just paranoia and confusion that mislead very much people and will not help to solve any problem on the contrary will worse everything. I don’t want to think that maybe all these here are just vicious propaganda maybe aims to other purposes irrelevant to Europe because I try to avoid conspiracy theories-unlike the owners of this site.
(I hope that you believe at least nominally in freedom of speech and allow my comment or at least believe by yourself to your own sanity and minimum intellectual skill to argue with other people and accept an argument and reply to it)
A guy from Greece

HermitLion said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
HermitLion said...

Gabri14, I really love your blind comment. Your ignorant denial of the truth holds much value, especially since Greece was never conquered by the Ottoman empire, and didn't fight off its shackles of oppression, only to become a lackluster, lazy, culturally insignificant burden of a nation.
In other words, you better pray that secular Western Europe will still be there in the future to keep your worthless economy on life support.

Yet I'm even more amused by the sane Theseus, who still found a way to blame the Jews for everything. Don't forget - we put the moon up there to mess with your oceans, boogle boogle!