Your Red-Blooded ’Merican Nooz Right Here

The Baron’s away and the real happenings around the world are moldering in his mighty news machine, which only a very geeky programmer could ever figure out how to operate.

So, since the comments overflowed on the Virginia post today, I reckoned some real live American news might be just the thing.

Stipulated ahead of time: yes, we’re all nuts. We like it that way. Kind of like Australians, but without the Oz accent or the Outback. I don’t think Arizona qualifies as an Outback.

This news is 100% Obama-free…except for telling you it is, anyway, which makes it officially 99% you-know-what. Close enough for government work…

And on to our stories:


First item up is a post about Charles Johnson’s belief that the Tennessee state flag has some neo-Nazi elements. I kid you not. On the other hand, maybe Chazzer was just trying to get some attention and by Thursday it will all be “April Fools!”. CJ has done stranger things. Give me a week and I'll think of one.


Then there’s the guy who crawled through the Mickey D’s drive-through window so he could get his fish sandwich.


We had snow to beat all in January and February and now March is going out in a flood. Literally. Notice they said the storms have moved in a southwest to northeast pattern. Fortunately for us, the future Baron is in the southwestern part of the state. Thus, while the Baron left here in the rain by the time he’d gotten to the mountains down there, the sun was shining. All the rivers have been up and rushing over their banks. Real Spring has followed our first Real Winter in decades. Which means Real Summer is going to be a killer.


Fox News, the media outlet all superior beings love to hate, is taking the rest of them to the cleaners. For the past 99 months, Fox has led the rest in cable news and it continues to climb as the oh-so-politically-correct media gnash their teeth in the outer darkness. Just wait till Sarah Palin starts there. Whowee, the haters will be coming out of the woodwork, drooling on their shoes. Another April Fool’s joke: she starts April 1st. Another reason not to have a TV.


Speaking of haters, the FBI infiltrated a whacko-Christian group. An armed whacko Christian group…
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These dudes are all safely in jail and every leftist atheist blog in the country is rejoicing that our polity has been saved yet again from more Krazy Kristian Killers, also known as rightwingextremists. So now when do they go after Jamaat-ul-Fuqra Islamic hatred and infiltrate their compounds? Don’t hold your breath.


NASA climate data is even more questionable than “the besmirched Climate-Gate data”. Hey, that means we’re even worse than the UK professors because our blunders weren’t purposeful. Just more government keystone cops bureaucracy in the US but the wily Brits, they were the real deal. Clever and evil instead of merely hapless. That doesn’t mean we won’t continue to pursue the clean green dream. Why let reality or economics get in the way of Utopia? Ah, I just love Gaia religion. Can't wait for the Spring rituals, the ones where they lay the wreath on Rachel Carson's monument. Maybe I'll burn some trash in the yard in her honor or spray a little weed killer on the damn clover.


More women are arming themselves against a sea of woe. Read about the Quaker woman with a Glock 9mm and other tales of the felt need for self-defense. Only in America? Sure. Because in America women are permitted to arm themselves. Makes potential rapists nervous.


Good news for those Navy Seals who are being keel-hauled by their superiors. It’s a wonder that young men volunteer to be put in harm’s way anymore, especially considering that the harm seems to come from those in command.


The Census. Has yours come in the mail yet? Did you get the short form (numbers and ages of people in the house, plus race) or the long form, which asks for more data. We got the short form and dutifully filled it out and mailed it. A friend of the fB’s turned his Anglo name into something Hispanic-sounding…if you call “Smithito” Hispanic, that is. Sister Toldjah has some ideas as to why folks feel annoyed with this. Could it be that 2010 will be the last census for a while? This is not going to play out well.


Discrimination! Smokers need not apply to this hospital. Current employees won’t be fired, but any future job-seekers will have to pass a nicotine test. As of May 1st. This is a growing trend, but soon everyone will be too poor to smoke anyway.

Oh, I nearly forgot this news since it's nearly a week old now. But look for the new fad this summer - flash mobs. One of the downsides to teh burgeoning social media, hmm? I already mentioned the long hot summer ahead. Seems like it may get even hotter in urban areas.

The genuine, world-wide, interesting news will return tomorrow. As will the Keeper of the News Machine. Meanwhile, if anyone has more American news, leave it in the comments.