Friday, December 21, 2012

World Ends; Women and Minorities Hardest Hit

The Mayan Long Count

We were waiting for the end of the world,
waiting for the end of the world,
waiting for the end of the world.
Dear Lord, I sincerely hope you’re coming,
’cause you really started something.

— Elvis Costello, from “Waiting for the End of the World”

The latest from Reuters:

The much-anticipated end of the world arrived today, causing disruption in the financial markets and throwing into doubt any resumption of bipartisan congressional negotiations to craft a tax plan that might avert the “fiscal cliff”.

As the midnight line began its journey across the Western Pacific, signs of the Apocalypse were noted all across the region. The Four Horsemen were observed off the island of Vanuatu, galloping over the water as if it were the Plain of Megiddo. As the End of Days swept across New South Wales, Australians reported both Bangs and Whimpers in various locations. Further north in Japan, earthquakes, fire, pestilence, famine, and tidal waves rippled across the islands as midnight arrived.

President Obama has scheduled an End of Days speech and press conference for 11:00 pm Eastern Time. A White House spokesmen said that the President will use the occasion to unveil his plan for turning the End into “an uplifting occasion of renewal as Americans gather in true equality and prosperity to face the future with optimism and new resolve.” The spokesman refused to comment on speculation that Mr. Obama’s “Apocalypse Now” plan would include additional taxes on corporations and the wealthy.

After his speech the President plans to take Air Force One and fly ahead of the midnight line to his birthplace in Hawaii, where he will await the End with a reduced staff of 6,000.

Although still too early for meaningful results, exit polls in Brisbane, Canberra, Seoul, Manila, and Tokyo indicate that women, minorities, the poor, the elderly, and children with medical problems have been hardest hit by the End. Gays and transgenders also report that the Apocalypse will have a disproportionate impact on their lifestyles.

A spokesman for the Organization of Islamic Cooperation blamed “Crusaders and Zionists” for the End, but said, “Even so, the hearts of faithful Muslims will never waver in their dedication to jihad in the cause of Allah. We await our imminent arrival in Paradise with great anticipation.”

A Mayan spokesman in Chichen Itza told reporters that the day is nothing special for him. “Today is Day 2,880,000 of the old b’ak’tun. Tomorrow is Day 1 of the new b’ak’tun. What’s the big deal?”


babs said...

I've been so busy I forgot we were having the end of the world today. I could have saved a ton of money on Christmas presents...

Anonymous said...

Too bad I will miss our President's speech because in the part of the world where I currently live the End will have already happened at 11 pm Eastern ...

Hermes said...

It was so surreal and bizarre to see people gathering at given places and waiting for little green creatures to take them away (perhaps to Krypton? Or Vulcan?). But how can people make such a fool of themselves? Sometimes idiocy has truly no boundaries.

Anonymous said...

Here in Europe we only have three to four hours to go before we will have escaped the end of the world unscathed. Plenty of time left for California, though. Could it be the big one?

Soon the shortest day will be over in the Northern Hemisphere and we will be heading towards spring. Christianity took over the festival of Eostra, the Norse goddess of the dawn, in Germanic countries. She was so named because it is is a corruption of East/Ost where the sun rises hence Easter/Ostern. Let us hope for a real dawn against the New World Order for Spring 2013.

The Bible says that Satan is unchained every thousand years and let loose to rampage through the world. About time that St Michael the Archangel arrived to cast him back down into the utter darkness together with the satanic sons of Marx and the satanic bankers.

Anonymous said...

It must be somewhere in Jeremiah or Ezekiel, and if it isn't it ought to be: Behold, with creatures like human beings, who needs an apocalypse?

Steve D said...

'Sometimes idiocy has truly no boundaries.'
No, not getting a gift for your wife because your anniversary is Dec 21 (the end of the world) is true idiocy.

Anonymous said...

ChristianInfidel says:

Thank you for the good laugh. That title is an instant classic. Several minutes after reading it I find myself still bursting out laughing as I think of it yet again.