Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Oona Goota, Solo?

The other night James Wolcott, the guiding light at Vanity Fair, dropped by here again to check out the local color and then blog his opinion of us. I was so pleased that I took the opportunity to cover his combover with a turban and convert him to Jamshid al-Walkat. At the same time I launched a contest for our readers: “Choose an Epithet for James Wolcott”.

There were many entertaining entries, but the hands-down winner (as judged by Dymphna and me) was by commenter Robert.

Before I reveal the winning epithet, here’s a little anthology of James Wolcott’s editorial opinions about Gates of Vienna:

October 31, 2005: Does [The Nation’s David] Corn really want to be associated with fun blogs like Little Green Footballs and Gates of Vienna…? I guess he does, because he’ll be appearing on a panel at Pajamas’ gala conference in November in Manhattan, where Roger L. Simon and company will break out the ginger ale and announce their new monicker. Then everybody will adjourn to invade Syria, if they can arrange transportation.
June 26, 2006: For readers willing to don miner’s [sic] helmets to explore a smoke-filled ass just off the main highway, behold the cavern of Baron Bodissey.
September 2, 2006: The brain stormers at the Gates of Vienna trying to come up with a punchy new slogan for the War on Terror. And trying. And trying. Among the bubblings from the tar pit, we get: “If you don’t have the brains to know Islam is a threat, you won’t miss your head when it’s gone.” “Terrorism is cancer — it’s time to get radioactive!” “KILL A JIHADI FOR MOMMIE.”

And now, straight from the Tar Pits of Vienna to our loyal brain stormers on Tatooine, I present:

Jabba the Critic

Thank you, Robert, for this clever epithet.

And thank you, Jabba Mr. Wolcott, for your timely inspiration. Y’all come back now, hear?


Update: Robert has contacted me and given permission to reveal his full identity. He is Rovert Bové, an author and poet who blogs at The Iconoclast, the blog of the New English Review. He has posted his own version of Jabba, and readers are invited to go over and comment.

10 comments:

Alexis said...

James Wolcott? I've never heard of him before. Should I have?

søren said...

Vanity Fair is People magazine with more words.

JMK2006 said...

dave: Vanity Fair is fairly vain.

Baron: Thank you for sponsoring the contest!

Wolcott: Thank you for plucking my bon mot (KILL A...). If you've gotten around yet to my riposte, know that it's been more than fun to step into the fray. Your email address on your blog kept bouncing back my message, so I forwarded it to the generic VF email comments address. I hope to hear back from you, privately or publicly.

GoV readers: I've been inside the Conde Nast (VF's parent company) corporate offices. They're right at Times Square, just a block or two from the NY Times offices. It's no wonder these lounging lions of the fourth estate believe they're the center of the world.

Voyager said...

SEYRAN ATES is a name to remember - she does not want to end up like Ayaan Hirsi Ali. She is a German-Turk- a lawyer - she helps women escape forced marriage, honour killings, and abuse - Turkish women.

She has nowgiven up and gone into hiding.......in Germany !

http://www.spiegel.de/politik/deutschland/0,1518,435261,00.html

She has been threatened, and most recently was attacked on the street by a Turkish male and none of the passers-by helped her but turned away. She realises how close she came to being killed - like Theo Van Gogh...........in Berlin

Vasarahammer said...

Stop wasting your time commenting on the ramblings of this bozo Wolcott. His only agenda is self-promotion by denigrating others.

Concentrate on the more burning issues at hand.

I did not know who this Wolcott guy was until you decided to comment on his postings.

Baron Bodissey said...

Hey! I've got a right to have my fun. It won't cut into our coverage of the "burning issues".

In fact, it will probably increase our productivity, since I finish up a job like this feeling refreshed and energized... :)

Just scroll down past the parts you don't like.

Scott said...

I see over at the BBC website this evening, an article noting that a Sudanese newspaper executive has been decapitated. No, not by the Sudanese government, the BBC reports he was pro-government, just
insufficiently Islamic.

Seems he reprinted an article that raised questions about the birth of Mohammed (LOL) and paid the price.

Sometimes I wish the FBI and State Department would grant some visas to a few of these Muslim press critics after giving them a gift subscription to Mr. Wolcott's and other 'see no evil' liberals publications.

One could imagine the headchoppers coming out of Lowe's or Home Depot with a new chainsaw in their hands to expedite their decapitations of all the liberal, blaspheming, smut peddlers like Mr. Wolcott.

Phanarath said...

Looks like he is writing in some kind of code. I couldent understand it, anyway.

Its the same with the left here in Denmark. They will say something like: "Hitler was also a vegetarian" with a look on their face, like they just revealed some previesly unknown conection that magicaly puts everything in perspective and proves that Bush is a good friend of Bin Laden or something and so on.

It only makes sence if you allready agree.

JMK2006 said...

Mahler happened to be vegetarian, too. Same for I.B. Singer.

From the bit I can tell, Wolcott picked the fight with his smarmy remarks, not GoV.

Profitsbeard said...

I always thought "Vanity Fair" was a curiously insulting title for a magazine. "Vanity" being a sin, and parading it in public a sign of moral blindness.

It calls its own readership superficial, ego-bloated fools for bothering to pursue the frivlous and "vain" world that, oddly, the magazine itself gaily promotes.

It would be like calling a sports magazine "Dumb Jocks" or a fashion journal "Shallow Lint".

Alexander "While Rome Burns" Woolcott, maybe.

James, -nah.