Friday, April 22, 2005

A Template for Two Men

Benedict XVI is an excuse. His detractors have latched onto
  • his conscription by the German army in his youth
  • his withdrawal from university life during the student rebellions of the '60's
  • his over-riding concern for the magisterium of the Church to the detriment of current political and scientific belief.

These experiences have been enumerated to create an UberPope, the head of an evil empire of illiberalism, its tentacles everywhere, determined to take over the world.

No doubt they are right. Even now the PanzerPope is plotting to bring the Infidels to heel, to establish the Catholic Umma where his punitive God will reign and each life will be held accountable down to the smallest detail. Apostates will be stoned. Zoning regulations permitting, heretics will be burned.

This is a template. It was created in 2000 for the BushHitlerChimp, with cutouts for Stupid, Evil and Scary. BushChimp and PanzerPope are scheming for their own world order; Bush with his scary "liberty and democracy" imperialism and B.16 with his evil "'life' issues" (as the NYT puts it in a headline, Pope May Color Debate in U.S. Over 'Life' Issues Like Abortion*).

Bush and his alliance of evil neo-cons push onto a reluctant but helpless world their agenda of enslaving the Middle East under a Zioninst entity. The Pope and his Swiss Guards scheme to come up with a secret plan for the return of world hegemony under Rome. Maybe he stole his election, too.

Bush is too conservative, too American, and too unsophiscated (but wily, don't you know). The Pope is too Catholic and too much a reactionary theologian. Besides he's old. Neither of them could possibly stay afloat in the boiling stream of liberal ideas.

The trick to taming BushH and PanzerP is simple: speak ever more slowly, enunciate ever more loudly, pronounce ever more scurrilous ad hominem attacks. Wear T-shirts with mocking remarks on them. Perhaps both men can be forced, then, by the weight of such logic and disputation to see the obvious truth -- that there is no truth, there is only what we want at the moment.
*hat tip to Wally Ballou for the headline quote and the question, "Do you think they would have put quotes around the words 'peace' or 'justice'? Just wondering."


TigerHawk said...

Nice post, Dymphna. I agree completely. You might be interested in this guest post I put up on Wednesday afternoon.

Unknown said...


Loved your opinions. Hated your writing. This time, I actually managed to keep awake 'til the end. Keep it up! A dash of sarcasm, a sprinkle of humor, a paper of indignation, mix it up, and serve. :)

Unknown said...

paper me pepper.. :P

Dymphna said...

I'll 'paper' you with liquid cayenne but not until I've given you a blanket and pillow so you'll be prepared to snore through any future posts...

Dymphna said...


thanks for the link to your guest. I clicked on it and read him...have a few quibbles with his analysis so I'm putting a comment.

Cool, though, that a mere law prof in the US had Ratzinger's fax #. *I'm* impressed.

pst314 said...

Blanket and pillow? Seems to me that the paranoid predictions of a new inquisition mandate something else: Cardinal Fang, please prepare the soft cushions and... the comfy chair!

Baron Bodissey said...

Hm! She is made of harder stuff!