Thursday, June 07, 2007

Dymphna Does It Again

Longtime Gates of Vienna readers will remember Dymphna’s unfortunate adventure a couple of years ago with a ladder and a fig tree. Today she decided that she missed the emergency room so much that she needed another little encounter with nature red in tooth and claw.

Garden clogsOr, in this particular case, nature green in garden clogs, because those were her undoing this morning. She wears ordinary plastic garden clogs when she waters the garden, to keep her canvas shoes from getting wet and muddy.

If you’ve ever worn garden clogs, you know that they don’t give you as good a sense of the terrain as regular shoes do. Dymphna was coming around the corner of the rosebush bed and inadvertently put her foot down on an ornamental rock, one that was wet and slick from the water. She hit the ground so fast that she didn’t really know what had happened, and landed hard on her right shoulder.

The sound of terrible screaming came through the closed window and brought me down the stairs and out the door as fast as I could go. She was trying to get up, and her right arm was hanging useless, with her shoulder canted at an unnatural angle.

I helped her up and she struggled to get into the car so we could drive to our family practice doctor. But as soon as the car started to move, the bumping caused such terrible pain that she was screaming again. She asked me to call 911 and get the rescue squad to come for her.

To make a long story short, it would have taken the squad more than an hour to get here, because our county has just four rescue squad ambulances, and the only one that could be contacted was on the way to a hospital in the next county.

So I drove to the clinic at 20mph with my poor wife suffering grievously all the way. The injury seemed likely to be a dislocated shoulder, and our family doctor doesn’t do dislocations. So she gave Dymphna a shot of morphine and we continued our painful crawl all the way to the emergency room in Charlottesville. That’s where we spent most of the day.

You know the drill — long waits in a little cubicle, X-rays, more dope, etc., etc.
- - - - - - - - - -
The shoulder was indeed dislocated, and relocating it took a burly male nurse pulling from behind with a loop around Dymphna’s arm while the doctor pulled as hard as he could in the opposite direction. Not a pleasant sight to watch, but she was under “conscious sedation” — i.e., on an IV dose of pain meds so intense that she was too groggy to know what was happening. Afterwards she had no memory of the process.

And now she’s “resting comfortably” here at home.

Prognosis: a full recovery, after two weeks with her arm in a sling while being waited on hand and foot by the future Baron and me. Then comes some rehab from an orthopedist.

Needless to say, blogging will be light for a while here at Schloss Bodissey. Dymphna may peck out a comment here and there occasionally with her left hand, and if she can persuade the fB to take dictation, she may even do a post. But mostly you’ll have to put up with just me.

While we were riding in the car right after the accident, in between screams Dymphna said she had sworn off gardening. But now she says she can’t follow through with her vow — she loves it to much to give it up.

So in a few weeks she’ll be back out there, searching for an uninjured part of her body and the place in the garden that will do it the most damage.

11 comments:

gun-totin-wacko said...

Sigh. How unfortunate. She might be a klutz, but we still love her.

My best to D. Hope she recovers soon.

Mission Impossible said...

Dymph, me thinks its time for you to put your feet up and chill out. You must have a few books you've been itching to read? A dislocated shoulder should not have been your excuse, but you'd might as well make the most of the opportunity. Hmmmph!

Don't know what the Baron is going to do in your "absence." What's he like at brewing bacon and frying coffee for breakfast? Will he make it through?

Joking aside. Hope you make a speedy recovery. Hey ... wear hiking boots next time!

Blessings and best wishes.

Mission Impossible.

Subvet said...

OUCH! Sorry to hear that. Here's hoping for a speedy recovery and minimal dislocation (apologies, can't resist) of your normal routine.

livfreerdie said...

What is this, the Virginia version of "Home Improvement"? Remember, dear Dymphna, as we grow older and wiser we must also slow down accordingly.

Hope your recovery is speedy and painless.

Tom

KGS said...

My sympathies to poor Dympha, that must of hurt real bad. Get well soon, and stay off those clogs.

As the old saying goes, "misery loves company": every time I start a new building project, my wife breaks out the box of bandages and places it on the kitchen counter as kind reminder of past experiences. :-)

Archonix said...

Well you're fortunate, it could have been a busted collar bone and boy do those things hurt. Get well soon.

And get yoursel a proper set of welly boots!

kepiblanc said...

Sorry to hear. I hope Dymphna will recover soon. Can't she use the keyboard with one hand?

Oh, - just to spare you the trip to the hospital next time (which I hope never occurs), here is a short 'do-it-yourself' manual by a guy named Hippocrates (slightly modified by the army) :

First, three shots of Aalborg Akvavit (to the patient, that is). Then, grip her wrist firmly with both hands, abduct the outstretched arm 60-70 degrees from her body and place your own ipsilateral heel in her armpit. While pulling the arm away from the shoulder using your Baronic heel as a counterpressure- and pivoting point, move her arm inwards towards the body, and: voilá, snap. Done.

Or, avoid clogs.

Obi's Sister said...

Oh no! Best wishes for a swift and uneventful recovery!

Fausta said...

The Husband had a shoulder injury and suffered miserably. I feel for you!
Wishing a quick and complete recovery,

Fellow Peacekeeper said...

My sympathies, sounds like a painfull accident. Well better shoulder than cranium and at least no bones broken. However, do check that the ornamental rock in question doesn't have "Allah Akbar" chalked on the bottom however, them islamoids can be divilish cunning.

And get yoursel a proper set of welly boots!
Agreed.

Always On Watch Two said...

Due to end-of-school-term obligations the past several days, I'm just now getting over here to Gates.

All my best to Dymphna for a speedy recovery!