A recent CBS News poll showed that Americans have an increasingly unfavorable opinion about Islam. Ever since then policymakers, religious leaders, and bored journalists have been eagerly awaiting the results of a corresponding poll of Muslim opinion.
The Gates of Vienna News Service has just announced the release of its latest UmmaPollTM. Between April 1st and April 11th, 1,228 Muslim men and 3 Muslim women [don’t know how those got in there. — ed.] were polled by telephone in Karachi, Jeddah, Qom, and Jakarta. The results are listed below.
|1. What is your impression of infidels?|
|39%||They are the sons of apes and pigs.|
|44%||The trees say: oh Muslim, oh servant of Allah, there is an infidel behind me, come and kill him!|
|17%||Shut up. Can’t you see I’m busy amputating this guy’s hand?|
|2. What is the best way to treat an infidel?|
|49%||I say we stomp him! Then we tattoo him! Then we hang him! And then we kill him!|
|3. What would you do if your sister married an infidel?|
|68%||Wait! How much did you say the dowry was?|
|4. How many teeth do you have?|
|79%||Hang on; let me consult the Koran.|
Note: This scientifically-conducted poll has a ±2.5% margin of error. ©2006 GOVNS. All rights reserved
Yes, it’s satire. I can’t believe you had to ask that question.