Friday, April 14, 2006

Poll: Sinking Perceptions of Infidels

 
I say we stomp him! Then we tattoo him! Then we hang him! And then we kill him!A recent CBS News poll showed that Americans have an increasingly unfavorable opinion about Islam. Ever since then policymakers, religious leaders, and bored journalists have been eagerly awaiting the results of a corresponding poll of Muslim opinion.

The Gates of Vienna News Service has just announced the release of its latest UmmaPollTM. Between April 1st and April 11th, 1,228 Muslim men and 3 Muslim women [don’t know how those got in there. — ed.] were polled by telephone in Karachi, Jeddah, Qom, and Jakarta. The results are listed below.

1. What is your impression of infidels?
   39% They are the sons of apes and pigs.
 44% The trees say: oh Muslim, oh servant of Allah, there is an infidel behind me, come and kill him!
 17% Shut up. Can’t you see I’m busy amputating this guy’s hand?
  
2. What is the best way to treat an infidel?
 22% Stomp him.
 29% Hang him.
 49% I say we stomp him! Then we tattoo him! Then we hang him! And then we kill him!
  
3. What would you do if your sister married an infidel?
 14% Stone her.
 18% Hang her.
 68% Wait! How much did you say the dowry was?
  
4. How many teeth do you have? 
 9% Four. 
 12% Seven. 
 79% Hang on; let me consult the Koran.

Note: This scientifically-conducted poll has a ±2.5% margin of error. ©2006 GOVNS. All rights reserved


Yes, it’s satire. I can’t believe you had to ask that question.

8 comments:

Mason said...

Satire! Ah, hell. I was going to quote it extensively.

Maybe I still will!

Mason

Crusader Coyote said...

*snickers*

right on target . . .

Charles Martel said...

It is shocking to me that there are over 15% of Americans that have a "favorable" opinion of Islam. Wonder what the numbers will be as TROP continues its jihad against the West. At what point will the MSM begin to tell the unvarnished truth about Islam?

Epaminondas said...

This is clearly a biased poll. On question #2 you left out:
Put him naked in a bag with starving dogs and throw him off a cliff (an Iranian specialty)

Baron Bodissey said...

Ah! But there's more to #2 than you might think...

Extra points to the reader who recognizes the source of the third response on #2 (Apollon Zamp: you are not allowed to compete).

fido said...

3 women took part? Allah curse them for talking without the permisson of the man.

Brilliant although having read it not sure if it is satire or not. :-)

A. Shah said...

It's hard these days to get the right mix of intense hatred and humour. Congratulations.

Dymphna said...

A. Shah:

That makes us one up on our Islamic terrorist adversaries, who are the most humorless group I've run across.

And *your* facile comment demonstrates perfectly an inability to recognize mordant humor -- this post being a peculiarly Anglospheric version of something the Russians do even better.

Good luck learning to smile.