Monday, November 21, 2005

Marriages Made in the Socialist Paradise

 
Socialist loveI found this ad on the web this morning.

She’s a file clerk in the Ministry of Information. He’s a junior commissar in the Young Communist League.

How do you reckon their chances? Headed for wedded bliss, marching together in service to the Proletarian Future? Producing many happy children for the Socialist Cause?

Or doomed to breakup and failure as vodka-soaked counter-revolutinaries?

You decide.


UPDATE: The course of their relationship has been revealed! Commenter Chris has looked into this couple’s Socialist future:
     Alas, soon after they are married, she comes across a secret report that he has been engaged in counter-revolutionary activity. Disillusioned, she enters an affair with a young militia officer.
Meanwhile, her husband, unaware that he has been denounced, and under surveillance by the secret police, suspects his wife of black market activity, after “gifts” begin to show up in their apartment. He denounces her, and she is placed under surveillance as well.
He begins to drink heavily, and she becomes shrewish. Their relationship soon reaches a breaking point, and in a drunken stupor he accuses her of anti-socialist behavior. She lashes back that he is an agent of a capitalist government.
Their quarrel escalates into a physical confrontation, ended when he falls down the stairs after pushing her out the door of the apartment.
Two secret policemen (slightly surprised to meet each other) arrive after hearing the quarrel (via listening devices) and arrest them both.
Under questioning, they denounce each other, wanting revenge for their feelings of betrayal. She is sentenced to 5 years in a gulag. He is sent to a mental hospital for re-education. The militia officer is also arrested, and after questioning, is demoted and re-assigned to onerous duties in the hinterland of the country.
Later, the woman emerges from prison and remarries a mechanic, who is an alcoholic and beats her occasionally. Her ex-husband succumbs to injuries sustained in the fall, exacerbated by his interrogation. The militia officer becomes a homosexual, and is later slain in a jealous rage by a spurned lover, who is arrested himself and hanged.

13 comments:

Chris said...

Alas, soon after they are married, she comes across a secret report that he has been engaged in counter-revolutionary activity. Disillusioned, she enters an affair with a young militia officer.

Meanwhile, her husband, unaware that he has been denounced, and under surveillance by the secret police, suspects his wife of black market activity, after "gifts" begin to show up in their apartment. He denounces her, and she is placed under surveillance as well.

He begins to drink heavily, and she becomes shrewish. Their relationship soon reaches a breaking point, and in a drunken stupor he accuses her of anti-socialist behavior. She lashes back that he is an agent of a capitalist government.

Their quarrel escalates into a physical confrontation, ended when he falls down the stairs after pushing her out the door of the apartment.

Two secret policemen (slightly surprised to meet each other) arrive after hearing the quarrel (via listening devices) and arrest them both.

Under questioning, they denounce each other, wanting revenge for their feelings of betrayal. She is sentenced to 5 years in a gulag. He is sent to a mental hospital for re-education. The militia officer is also arrested, and after questioning, is demoted and re-assigned to onerous duties in the hinterland of the country.

Later, the woman emerges from prison and remarries a mechanic, who is an alcoholic and beats her occasionally. Her ex-husband succumbs to injuries sustained in the fall, exacerbated by his interrogation. The militia officer becomes a homosexual, and is later slain in a jealous rage by a spurned lover, who is arrested himself and hanged.

Edward said...

Chris,
You have just killed the commentary. Absolutely nothing can be written after that stupendously funny follow-up. It (ahem) sounds like you have read many Russian novels.

Don Miguel said...

Chris, you have a gift. That was hilarious!

One little criticism: The line "The militia officer becomes a homosexual" is not PC enough -- maybe it should be "The militia officer realizes he is a homosexual."

Archonix said...

Just one small question...

Who are these people?

Baron Bodissey said...

Archonix -- they're models used in a match-making service ad photo. The red star on the guy's beret prompted this bit of whimsy.

hank_F_M said...

Her name is Julia. His name is Winston.

Orwell just got the year wrong.

mts said...

Oh, of course, I was taking a big drink of water while reading this. I did NOT expect a funny on "Gates of Vienna". Other sites I expect to make me laugh, so I know not to take a swig of anything while reading. Now there's water here and there. But at least my nose has been washed nice and clean. On the inside.

BTW, great post!

Archonix said...

Ok, so they're not some celebrities that I missed out on seeing...

Baron Bodissey said...

Archonix --

That's what Dymphna wondered, too. I doubt it, but who knows? If they're celebrities, they're probably just as red...

Chris said...

I admit that I just read "Gorky Park". I am shameless.

Baron Bodissey said...

Chris -- I read "Gorky Park" (though it was many years ago). Do you mean you cribbed from Martin Cruz Smith? I don't remember your scenario in the book...

Chris said...

No cribbing, just a general theme of desperation and hopelessness. You know, the core values of Communism.

Baron Bodissey said...

Chris -- well, you made a lot of fans for yourself here with your Socialist Realism.