Friday, July 18, 2008

“Beware of Belgium”

A message to our American readers from our Dutch correspondent Michiel Mans:

To all Americans:

BudweiserOur deepest sympathy with, and condolences for you. Bud has been grabbed by Belgium.

A nation that is not a nation, currently again in quibbling debate over being more French or more Flemish. The Flem are a somewhat sticky, watered down version of the Dutch, hence the name, while the Wallonians, the frog speakers, are something the French pooped out. And they got your beer.

This is worse than losing the war. What war? Any war.

It is widely known, particularly among Americans, that you do not mess with someone’s automobile. It is worse than nicking his wallet. In them olden days horse thieves were strung up. For good reason.
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Touching a man’s beer goes beyond this. It is sacrilege. Taking a man’s beer, is taking his soul, his flag, his balls. And the Belgians do it all.

Not content with taking our wallet, the big Dutch ABN-AMRO bank which was as wooden shoe-windmill-red-white-and-blue as our queen, the Belgians now took your beer. Is this their gratitude for 101st Airborne General McAuliffe’s “Nuts!” in December 1944?

Now they have taken your nuts. They pretend to be a small nation of futile quibble. However, yesterday our wallet, today your nuts, tomorrow the World. Forget China, forget India, beware of Belgium.

20 comments:

Anonymous said...

I heard about this. Budweiser funded, and continues to fund, Washington University in St. Louis, the university I'm attending this fall.

STASH said...

To many Americans Budweiser is an undrinkable beer, I hope that the new Belgium owner would improve the brand and make it drinkable. For me I stick with the small micro brew beers.

An conservative American and proud of America.

IoshkaFutz said...

Had the Belgians bought out Budějovický Budvar... now that would have been tragic! But that other Budweiser, the producer of sweat-replacement liquids, they can have.

Paul Green said...

Hear, hear, stash! The popularity of Budweiser has ever been a great mystery to me -- as has that of the many other mass-produced American Pilsners and Lagers. Even the mediocre microbrews have 'em all skun.

Whatever their other shortcomings, the Belgians, by God, know how to brew. Taste "Stille Nacht" from De Dolle Brouwers and you'll get my drift. Nothing to touch it -- tastes great and feels better!

http://www.dedollebrouwers.be/en/historiek.htm

no2liberals said...

I only care about the purchase of an American company by a Belgium one.
I don't care about the product.
I don't drink, so the reference to my 'nads is invalid.

NJArtist said...

I don't drink Budweiser;instead, I drink Sam Adams or Guinness and other strong beers. The only good Budweiser I found was brewed out of Newark because of the water.

Conservative Swede said...

Touching a man’s beer goes beyond this. It is sacrilege. Taking a man’s beer, is taking his soul, his flag, his balls. And the Belgians do it all.

Well the real sacrilege was how American Budweiser bought all the rights to sell beer at stadiums during the world cup in football 2006 in Germany.

Just imagine. In the home country of beer, the cradle of beer making, they were forced to drink some inferior product from the home country of root beer. And this at a prime moment for beer drinking (by someone who doesn't even understand the value of the moment).

Speak about taking someone's soul, his flag and his balls! This was sacrilege at so many levels at the same time.

Anonymous said...

A very smart move.

Buy a crappy brand that some stupid Americans think is beer, make loads of money out of it, and support in exchange the production of some real beer in minute quantities, for the pleasure of discriminating European consumers.

I'm all for it.

spackle said...

I think drinking "Bud" is something that Americans drink more out of habit then anything else and it starts in the teen years. If you were a self respecting teen from working class roots you drank bud and smoked Marlboro. No ifs ands or buts. Some grew out of it (and moved on to Coors. Yuk!) and some did not.

the doctor said...

I have just heard some great news , that nectar of the Gods , Goose Island beer ( from Chicago )is imported into Britain . This is surely the finest beer that I have ever tasted ; Sam Adams is not too bad though .

Avery Bullard said...

ConSwede,

One German beer was also permitted in the stadia at the World Cup. I think it was Bitburger. I tried Bitburger last week and consider it to be just as pissy and worthless as Budweiser. The only good German beers are wheat (hefeweizen?) and the dark wheat beers. Belgian beer is much better. Unfortunately they tend to export a lot of watery piss like Stella Artois, which seems to be the choice beer of English drunks.

Given that Bud is the biggest selling beer in the world and thus, no doubt, very profitable, I don't think Bud-swillers have anything to fear from InBev changing it.

Conservative Swede said...

Avery,

I was there. There was no Bitburger, only Budweiser. I was forced to drink Budweiser.

That's the whole idea of buying all the rights. That no other beer is sold. And I can tell you, that if Budweiser hadn't payed its way in like this (by buying all the rights) it wouldn't have been sold at all.

Regarding different brands. Bitburger is a proper lager, I guess that you just do not like lager and I suspect that Budweiser is to blame for that. Regarding Stella Artois it's Belgian and not German and yes, quite as Heineken it's a pissy beer. However, in comparison with Budweiser it's still a proper beer.

However, I agree with you about one thing. That the German weissbier is very good, and yes I prefer the hefe (unfiltered) type too.

Sir Henry Morgan said...

Avery

Over here in Britain, Stella Artois is known as "Old wife beater".

In my opinion, if you really have to have a drink you can't beat a Devon, or Norman (in France) farm produced cider.

I suppose it's time to take today's pill.

Bilgeman said...

Budweiser...pah!

It's only potable use is ice-cold on a summer's day when you're mowing the lawn.(A lawn tractor is about the only place left that one can, more or less safely, savor the joys of drinking and operating a motor vehicle).

Other than that, Bud is really only good if you wish to enjoy a "hops pregnancy", and don't want to see your penis anymore when you look down...about mid-40's for most guys.

I'm lucky enough to be from a part of America where the first waves of colonial-era Germans, settled, so Yuengling and Rolling Rock and National Bohemian are what I reach for when I really want a BEER.

Then there's always Bourbon, which like patchwork quilting and jazz, is an American original.

Paul said...

What an interesting thread. I thought I was one of the few who avoided Bud and other similar mass produced beers. How refreshing to hear similar views from others here.

C Swede: I'm with you on your opinion of Bud: keep it!

I noticed that there is a new beer offered in our local H-E-B here in south Texas, it's a Porter under the Michelob name. Clearly a Budweiser product, but a good beer, a good Porter. I was told by the Bud delivery guy that this Porter is only available at select HEB stores. Maybe this is the Belgian influence some are speaking of here??? Maybe this is one of the better beers being supported by Bud sales? If so, I approve of the new management.

Conservative Swede said...

Well fellows. As far as I'm concerned this is the best thing Budweiser ever produced:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2GWrrTpJ1eU

Bo said...

No sympathy, those dastardly Yanks bought our most precious resource - Vegemite and then had the damn cheek to patent the words 'ugg boots' - man that's like sheilah, mate, goodonya mate, ugg boots is part of our vernacular, let alone our standard shoe wear down here (well, especially after the Yanks patented it :) ).

From an Aussie, go get 'em Belgium.

Graham Dawson (Archonix) said...

Pah, beer. It's just whisky that hasn't grown up yet.

Avery Bullard said...

There was no Bitburger, only Budweiser. I was forced to drink Budweiser.

That's the whole idea of buying all the rights. That no other beer is sold. And I can tell you, that if Budweiser hadn't payed its way in like this (by buying all the rights) it wouldn't have been sold at all


A friend of mine attended and he drank Bitburger at the stadium!

Do a search. Bitburger was made available at the last moment due to a previous dispute with Anheuser-Busch over the name "Bud" which a German court said was too close to "Bit" as Bitburger is known as in Germany. Perhaps they didn't display it prominently at the stadia.

Conservative Swede said...

Avery,

I watched one of the early games. Maybe the new deal was not done yet then? There was surely no Bitburger served there.