Sunday, May 20, 2007

Fifty Years

I found this amusing piece on a Dutch blog. I did an internet search on it, attempting to discover the original source, but all of the versions I found reported it as coming from an email message, or referred to other blogs which reported it that way.

If anyone knows the author, let me know, and I’ll give him/her/it a well-deserved citation.

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See what fifty years will do:

Scenario: Jack pulls into school parking lot with rifle in gun rack.
1956 Vice Principal comes over, takes a look at Jack’s rifle, goes to his car and gets his to show Jack.
2006 School goes into lockdown, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.
 
Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.
1956 Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up best friends. Nobody goes to jail, nobody arrested, nobody expelled.
2006 Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.
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Scenario: Jason won’t be still in class, disrupts other students.
1956 Jason sent to office and given a good paddling by Principal. Sits still in class.
2006 Jason given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. School gets extra money from state because Jason has a disability.
 
Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his father’s car and his Dad gives him a whipping.
1956 Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.
2006 Billy’s Dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. Billy’s sister is told by state psychologist that she remembers being abused herself and their Dad goes to prison. Billy’s mom has affair with psychologist.
 
Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some headache medicine to school.
1956 Mark shares headache medicine with Principal out on the smoking dock.
2006 Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons.
 
Scenario: Pedro fails high school English.
1956 Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.
2006 Pedro’s cause is taken up by state Democratic party. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro’s English teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he can’t speak English.
 
Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed
1956 Ants die.
2006 BATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated, Johnny’s Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

4 comments:

A Free Man said...

Sounds about right!

This is supposed to be funny, but sadly, it is also true!

Foxfier, formerly Sailorette said...

Glad I grew up in Podunk Nowhere. I carried my pocket knife with me every day, nobody had a problem. Had asprin in my bag, even though it was *technically* not allowed, and everyone knew if they had cramps I'd have some motrin. Funny thing is that I never used either....

Cindi said...

In the bank, took a little, teeny, penknife out to cut the tape on the box of new checks (to make sure they were correct) and you should have seen the reaction: big gasp, hands flew up, back-step.

From a teller that towered over me and out-weighed me.

I guess I'm fortunate she didn't call the police.

Marshall said...

My daughter plays high school lacrosse. I was helping set up for a game last Saturday, and one of the goals needed repairing. I got some string and was re-stringing the net, and the school's athletic director (AD) came over to see if I needed any help.

AD: Need any help?
Me: Nope, thanks.
AD: Is that all one piece of string?
Me: if it is, I'll cut it. I always carry a knife on campus.
AD: Laughs, and walks away.