Thursday, June 16, 2005

The Gordian Knot Has Been Cut. Everybody Go Home.


Proclamation of Amnesty and Pardon Granted to
All Persons of European Descent



Whereas, Europeans kept my forebears in bondage some three centuries toiling without pay,

Whereas, Europeans ignored the human rights pledges of the Declaration of Independence and the United States Constitution,

Whereas, the Emancipation Proclamation, the Thirteenth and Fourteenth Amendments meant little more than empty words,

Therefore, Americans of European ancestry are guilty of great crimes against my ancestors and their progeny.

But, in the recognition Europeans themselves have been victims of various and sundry human rights violations to wit: the Norman Conquest, the Irish Potato Famine, Decline of the Hapsburg Dynasty, Napoleonic and Czarist adventurism, and gratuitous insults and speculations about the intelligence of Europeans of Polish descent,

I, Walter E. Williams, do declare full and general amnesty and pardon to all persons of European ancestry, for both their own grievances, and those of their forebears, against my people.

Therefore, from this day forward Americans of European ancestry can stand straight and proud knowing they are without guilt and thus obliged not to act like damn fools in their relationships with Americans of African ancestry.


Walter E. Williams, Gracious and Generous Grantor

Thank you, Most Gracious and Generous Sir. I was getting a sore back from carrying that sack of s***, sir. Thus, I shall be always grateful for your declaration of amnesty which has resulted in a sudden improvement in my posture.

The good news is they will call you the Emancipator; the bad news is they won't give you any money for it.

All right, everybody. Can we get back to the war now?

_______
Hat tip: La Shawn Barber's Corner

11 comments:

airforcewife said...

My hubby tried arguing with someone like this once, saying (truthfully) that his family had been serfs in Russia until the 1860s emancipation.

He was told "that's totally different."

Dymphna said...

The Baron's Boy claims somebody owes him for the Norman Invasion. But he and his English ancestors (on his father's side) owe me big time for their invasion and occupation of Ireland, not to mention the potato famine.

Engineer-Poet said...

The sooner all of this self-serving victimology is seen as the belly-laugh material it is, the better.

I got a couple good chuckles out of this.  Thanks for brightening my morning.

Gavriel said...

Do you think Emancipator Williams has any Islamist friends?

StoutFellow said...

Dymphna,

I shall be always grateful for your declaration of amnesty which has resulted in a sudden improvement in my posture.

LOL. However, as a descendent of Plantation owners, this is quite a load off me as well. As for getting back to the war. It continues while we receive our absolution. The Boxer twins and Dennis Kuchinic (sp?) are trying to legislate it out of existence, the AP is getting some remarkable pictures of "masked Insurgents outside of a Mosque in Ramadi", and NPR has new mantra - "Downing Street Memo, Smoking Gun, Watergate". Argghhh.

gavriel,
Do you think Emancipator Williams has any Islamist friends?

Fat chance. You do raise a good question though. What does the Quran, oops I mean the Holy Quran, say about forgiveness? Is there such a concept in a religous culture where lopping off heads is the preferred approach to problem solving? One thing is for sure though. Less Israel is widely viewed as a good approach to conflict resolution. ;^)

Baron Bodissey said...

I have a great-nephew whose mother is white (my niece) and whose father is black. His great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather (my great-great grandfather) owned slaves. On his father's side, his great-great-someting-grandfather presumably was a slave.

When Reparations Day comes, what will this kid do? Take money out of his right pocket and put it into his left pocket?

Prediction: when the Reparations Act finally passes, there will be a massive inflow of immigrants from Africa and the Caribbean, who will use the same resources that Islamists do to get bogus birth certificates, and who will then use these to try to cash in on this particular golden-egg-laying goose. Good ol' Uncle Sam...

OBloodyHell said...

> The Baron's Boy claims somebody owes him for the Norman Invasion. But he and his English ancestors (on his father's side) owe me big time for their invasion and occupation of Ireland, not to mention the potato famine.

[sniff]

[sniff]

I smell LAWSUIT!!

Quick! Where's the nearest two-bit shyster!?!?
8-)


============
P.S., anyone else besides me noticed that haloscrew doesn't interpret the italic tag as it is supposed to?

Yashmak said...

Baron, what makes you think a Reparations Act will ever pass? The very idea has already been turned into belly-laugh material by Dave Chappelle.

It does bring up some interesting hypothetical questions though. . .

If someone in my family had owned slaves, but between then and now immigrants who had lived outside the USA married into my family, influencing my family tree. Would I have to pay less on some sort of graduated scale based on what percentage of my genes came from the original slave owning family line??

Baron Bodissey said...

Yashmak -- I'm not serious. There will never be a Reparations Act. We will undoubtedly have a lot of talk and demagoguing over it, but it won't happen.

The idea is absurd, but, unfortunately, some people take it seriously. Thank God for a sane person like Walter Williams.

Always On Watch said...

The never-let-it-go mentality puts me in mind of the Hatfields and the McCoys.

Even worse, such thinking allows for much whining and much excuse-making.

Dymphna said...

The Hatfields and McCoys! You've got it! That tribal mentality that never lets go of past resentments, that keeps the individual in his "place," that is filled with resentment and emphasizes honor, shame, and envy.

Sounds like the Muslims, no? And also Thomas Sowell's descriptions of some aspects of Black culture with the extended family and its contempt for "white" striving, ambition, and curiosity about the world.

Tribal thinking does not honor the individual except as he contributes to the tribe. And then he is only doing what he's supposed to do anyway.

Here's a thought experiment: suppose we carefully figured out who was owed what for their ancestors' servitude. And suppose we paid out some munificent sum to each person designated a descendant of a slave. Do you think that there would be a great out-pouring of gratitude? Do you think there would be celebrations of thankfulness for living in such a great country, one which recognized suffering and tried to relieve it?

Fat chance. No matter how much was done, how many people paid off, not one attitude would change, not one heart would be moved.

But you've also made me realize the attraction Islam has for young Black men. They see the similarities without necessarily being aware of their perceptions. It feels familiar.