A reader sent this story to us recently:
A biker was riding by the zoo when he saw a little girl leaning into the lion’s cage. Suddenly the lion grabbed her by the cuff of her jacket and tried to pull her inside to slaughter her under the very eyes of her screaming parents.- - - - - - - - -
The biker jumped off his Harley, ran to the cage, and hit the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain, the lion jumped back and let go of the girl. The biker then took her to her terrified parents, who thanked him profusely.
A reporter saw the whole scene, and addressing the biker, said, “Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I’ve ever seen a man do in my whole life.”
“Why, it was nothing, really,” said the biker. “The lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.”
“I noticed a patch on your jacket,” said the journalist.
“Yeah, I ride with an Israeli motorcycle club,” the biker replied.
“Well, I’ll make sure this won’t go unnoticed. I’m a journalist with the LA Times, you know, and tomorrow’s papers will have this on the front page.”
The following morning the biker bought the paper to see if it indeed had brought out the news of his actions. On the front page was the headline:
ISRAELI GANG MEMBER ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH
15 comments:
The sad thing is that these days it might not be a joke.
Should there be a boycott against Absolut Vodka, by any chance?
Until recently, Absolut was owned by the Swedish government, but it is now owned by Pernod Ricard.
(Please pardon my use of wikipedia...)
Although Pernod Ricard now owns the Absolut brand, the decision to run this incendiary advertisement promoting Mexican irredentism was made while it was owned by the Swedish government. As such, this Absolut advertisement could be considered to be a commercial version of the Zimmermann Telegram.
The Swedish government cracks down on criticism of Islam, yet it actively promotes Mexican annexation of the southwestern United States. Should this lead to a boycott of Swedish products unless and until the Swedish government fully apologizes for the Absolut advertisement? Hmmmm....
There are a lot of powerful people in international corporations that absolutely hate the USA. There is no way this could have passed by a senior markeing exec without him not knowing exactly what he was doing. Absolutly no way.
A boycott is a good idea. Companies and governments pay big bucks for advertising to sell more of their product. If there's a major dip instead, because the advertising is found offensive, then heads may roll for exercising their political biases instead of contributing to the bottom line.
Ha ha. . .LA Times? It wouldn't surprise to learn this wasn't a joke.
Here's another:
Three men - a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden and a KENTUCKY GENTLEMAN are all working together one day.
They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. 'I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes in total', says the Genie.
The Canadian says, 'I am a farmer and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada ..'
POOF! With the blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever fertile for farming.
Osama was amazed, so he said, 'I want a wall around Afghanistan, Palestine, Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Americans or Canadians can come into our precious land.'
POOF! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries.
The Kentuckian says, 'I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall.'
The Genie explains, 'Well, it's about 5,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country. Nothing can get in or out; it's virtually impenetrable.'
The Kentuckian sits down on his Harley, cracks a beer, lights a cigar, smiles and says, 'Fill it with water.'
I pretty much vote this as my favorite email of the year....
"There are a lot of powerful people in international corporations that absolutely hate the USA." (John Sobieski)
It's funny, because I know plenty of people who believe that all powerful people in international corporations are in cahoots with the USA.
You might as well relax about the Absolut ad. It's obviously a way to grab the attention of their Mexican customers and pander to their feelings. It has nothing to do with politics, and everything to do with sales.
Hey, this is free enterprise for you. Americans cannot always have it their way. Some people think differently.
OOH, jokes.
An atheist was walking through the woods. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" He said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him.
He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer. He tripped & fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him.
At that instant the Atheist cried out, "Oh my God!"
Time Stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. "You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?"
"Very Well," said the voice.
The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke: "Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen."
The Riddle
On a trip to Great Britain while he was President of the United States, Bill Clinton had a meeting with Queen Elizabeth. During that meeting, he asked her, "How does one manage to run a country so smoothly?"
"That's easy," the Queen replied, "You surround yourself with intelligent ministers and advisors."
"But how can I tell whether they are intelligent or not?", asked Bill.
"You ask them a riddle," she replied, and with that she pressed a button and said, "Would you please send Tony Blair in."
When Blair arrived, the Queen Said, "I have a riddle for you to answer for me: Your parents had a child and it was not your sister. It also was not your brother. Who was this child? Blair replied, "That's easy. The child was me."
"Very good," said the Queen. "You may go now.
Sizing up his wife's chances in her presidential bid, and thinking back on that meeting, Bill Clinton spoke to Hillary. He said to her,
"I have a Riddle for you, and the answer is very important. Your parents had a child, and it was not your sister, and it was not your brother. Who was that child?"
Hillary replied, "Yes, it is clearly very important that we determine the answer. Can I deliberate on this for awhile?"
"Yes," said Bill, "I'll give you four hours to come up With the answer."
So Hillary called a meeting of her campaign team, from top to bottom, and asked them the riddle.
But after much discussion and many suggestions, none of them had a satisfactory answer.
She was quite upset, not knowing what she would tell her husband, the former President.
As Hillary was leaving her meeting she ran into her most formidable challenger to her Presidential nomination, Barack Obama.
So she said, "Mr. Obama, can you answer this riddle for me?
Your parents had a child, and it was not your sister, and it was not your brother. Who was the child?"
"That's seems pretty easy," said Obama, "I think the child would be me."
"Oh thank you," said Hillary.
"You may just have ensured my nomination for the democratic candidate for the Presidency of
the United States!"
So Hillary went back to Bill and said, "I think I know the answer to your riddle.
The child was Barack Obama.!"
"No, you dip!" shouted Bill. "The child was Tony Blair."
I'll stop now.
I'm absolutely boycotting Pernod Ricard - a very sophisticated and U.S.-connected company.
They also own Stoli. Grey Goose is French-owned. For a premium vodka, Ketel One, a Dutch product, is an excellent choice.
Dang, I hate what they've done with that Absolut ad - and I'm a gin drinker. I proudly kept Absolut for my guests. Not any more.
Maggie
Maggie's Notebook
Here's to Finlandia vodka. To hell with Absolut.
Entirely out of character for me, I know, but short and sweet:
Q.) How can you tell it's an election year?
A.) It's the year of the rat.
[rimshot]
PS: That was one of my own.
Haha, I enjoyed all the jokes on this thread. My absolute favourite was this one. LOL.
Try Sobieski Vodka - named after THE man himself and made in Poland.
http://beercocktailsspirits.suite101.com/blog.cfm/sobieski_vodka_now_available
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