Which Model of Muslim is Best?

A Consumer Quandary

In these difficult economic times, the modern consumer may have trouble knowing which Muslim to choose among all the competing models.

A reader named Sarka left a comment at Harry’s Place on the EDL/Muslim Debate Initiative article recounting his (her?) own frustrating experiences with the Muslim marketplace:

With so many fake and defective models of Muslim on the market these days, I think it is time to approach the Consumer Association.

Some years ago I purchased what I thought was a reliable Muslim through Amazon [an MCB Multiculti with warranty]. What a disappointment for the whole family! The blender simply did not work properly — even on the top settings ingredients remained separate, and the lid was not sealed — so it made a terrible mess. Despite the specifications on the box, there was no free-speech attachment, and it was hugely noisy and expensive to run.

Next I rather stupidly bought a cheapo Shariah4 from a door-to-door salesman, who made much of its grating, slicing, chopping and julienne capacities, and mixing hook. Frankly, this product should be banned! No blender at all. The blades are indeed sharp — lethally so (try putting them in the dishwasher without cutting your finger!) It makes an ear-splitting row, is totally unstable — hurling itself in all directions and smashing anything else on the countertop. and repeatedly caused explosions and electrical fires.

I am now very hesitant about my next purchase. After perusing the Web, I am very attracted to the Quilliam brand Muslim. Pluses: quiet motor, stable, blends and mixes efficiently, parts all dishwasher safe, sturdy, very nice traditional British retro-design — will fit beautifully into any kitchen, compatible with Western Kenwood, and Dualit attachments .. But minuses: expensive, allegedly incompatible with most new and traditional Muslim attachments, e.g. scriptural interpreter range, hadith grinders.

I went down to our local Curry’s for advice, but I am afraid that the assistant I talked to, a Mr. Robinson. is rather prejudiced

He said, “Madam, if I was you I wouldn’t waste my money on them Muslims at all. Load of dangerous foreign rubbish.”

“That’s completely racist and unfair!” said a gentleman who happened to be standing behind me at the desk. He turned out to be a sales rep for a new Muslim company, MDI, and he started to show me brochures that looked quite interesting. Mr Robinson scoffed, of course, and soon the two were engaging in a passionate argument that I was finding quite instructive until, unfortunately…it was broken off by the manager, who came in looking pale and saying he had to shut the branch because there was a mob outside.

There was a mob too. I had thought it might be a mob of Mr. Robinson’s wilder friends, or of competing Muslim sales reps, but surprisingly it was neither. It was a group of nerdy but dangerous-looking youths with placards that read, “Antifa Campaign for Real Muslims”. They looked rather dim but as I left the branch I couldn’t resist asking them “Hey, which Muslim do you recommend?” “Have you tried the MCB Multi, or the Shariah4? They’re okay, authentic like…” one mumbled. “But they’re ****” I retorted, “what about Quillian or this MDI model?”

There was a moment of horrified silence, and then the nerds began to bay, “Fake fake fakes! Fakes for fascists, fakes for fascists!” and I prudently made off home as fast as I could. In these circs I feel that a CA Which Muslim? objective report is very urgently needed.

Hat tip: JP.